Whats the line? Dying is easy, comdey is hard

So last week I did something I honestly thought I wouldnt do again.  I went to an open mic...ok the open mic comedy for me.  The Boiler Room.  And I did a set of new material.  Keep in mind it has been several years since I've been on stage.  It has been even longer since I wrote new material.  My plans for that night were rescheduled, and so deciding I should still go out, I did. 

I bombed.

Hard.

And I loved it.

The hard thing about comedy is everything about comedy.  You have to be energetic with out being distracting, confident without being blind to the audience before you.  There is a need for timing and rythm to get the audience to take the ride with you.  A very smart man once told me a good comedy set is about taking the audience from where they expect (from your look/sound) to where you want to take them.  Very hard to do in 3 to 5 minutes.

I have often said its alot like flight hours.  There are things you can only learn by getting on stage, holding the mic, being blinded by the spotlight, and doing your best.  Then getting up and doing it again.  If you take time off you get rusty, and it takes awhile to get it back.

The truly great comics need to be onstage.  It's not a matter of "oh there's a open mic, I should go and hang out."  The ones who are going to be good think "ok, I can hit the first one and be off of stage by 8:45 which leaves me enough time to catch the second one, if I hit tomorrows in Vancouver than I can hit both in Portland on Thursday."  It's a need to be up every chance you get.  And the NW scene has historically had a very friendly, welcoming comic community, with much available stage time. 

I was never a "have to be onstage" guy, I was "its something to do, and I can hang out with the comics after" kinda guy.  So I thought I was done many a year ago.

And yet, I am trying to write new material again, begining to map out the mics.  Maybe I will be more passionate this time.


Or maybe i will just flake out like last time.

We will see.

damn it

ok twitter, you win.... *mumbling profanities as he walks off stage*

Coffee fueld thoughts on the new Arrested Developement episodes

So now that I've watched the new episodes I feel like writing some thoughts.  I am a huge fan of the first 3 seasons.  I bought the DVDs, and watch them about once a year.  By now everyone knows the story.  A quirky show, well written, acted with great timing.   Put on at a time on Fox, when shows were being canceled left and right for various reasons.  After being canceled there were many attempts to bring it back, and a long time running attempt to get a movie done.  Finally Netfilx was able to finance a 4th season, and they put it all streaming. (Quick heads up I spent 10 months, as a temp to hire working for Netflix customer service.  It sucked.) 

So much like Futurama, the return has come with high expectations.  But even if it doesn't live up to the expectation, it can still be better than alot of what is out there right now.  That is not even the important part.   It's all about distribution.  'They' are saying network TV is dying.  'They' (and really who is this they group anyways... other than media critics, market analysts, internet viewers, and content producers) may be right.  Cable and Satellite have been slow to adapt to new viewing patterns.  What ever, just go watch the damned episodes already.

Epic Monaco Gran Prix is Epic... god I hate the phrase "Epic"...

So as the two random internet gnomes who still read this know, I love me some hard core, full throttle, (insert sexual innuendo motor-sport phrase) F1 racing. And for me there are 3 races that are special.  In reverse order they are...

Suzuka

Imola

and #1 is Monaco.

Suzuka is where many a championship has been won and lost.  The high speed turn and s's are the standards in which teams design their cars to survive.

Imola is the fastest track, and has a dark history.  Many a great has been wrecked on that course.  What more it is a track every driver must respect as it has claimed the lives of several F1 drivers, including the great Ayrton Senna.

But the true test of a driver is the Monaco Gran Prix.  The very tight track, very short straights, tight turns, elevation changes, and the famous hair pin turn require complete concentration.  If a driver looses focus for a moment, they will end up in a wall.  Overtaking, even with KERS and DRS is almost impossible, so to make it stick is a feat only skill can make happen.  Ontop of that, if we get rain, the course becomes brutal.  Only the best of the best can make it around with any consistency and speed.

That is not to mention the history.  The street circuit that is the Monaco Gran Prix has been raced competitively since before being a "Gran Prix" was even a thing.  This is a race that predates Formula 1 itself.  Being able to win at Monaco cements a drivers name in racing history.  And you cant help feel that history even through the practice sessions.

An almost true story... sort of...

So after the last couple of serious posts times for something silly. 

37½ minutes.

As of last month that's my personal record for shortest train-wreck of a blind date yet.  Yes that's right, 37½ minutes from hello, to good bye for ever.

So remember, like a game of Risk, at the game of blind dates I "win."  You're welcome.

Part 2 of serriously guys... PROGTFO

Ok.  I'm still festering with that small twinge of pain  that comes from knowing we as a community done bad.  Or more accurately failed to do right for the wrong reasons.  This is why we can't have nice things guys.  This is a conflict so old, we refuse to see it clearly anymore.  As I said last time.  This is a conflict of My needs vs the Community's needs.  My power vs the Community's power.  How much do I give up to stay a member of a community?  How much does the community surrender to keep me as a member?

We stopped talking like this, now we talk about rights and freedoms.  I've quoted it before, but heck is a classic.  Historically the right for you to swing your fist stops at my face.  That's the liberal history of common law more or less.  (Ok, that was a way over simplification, but screw you I'm cranky.)  We refuse to surrender autonomy to the whole except out of fear.  The community as a whole refuses to surrender authority except out of desperation.  Security vs Revolution.  We give up privacy and expedience for the feeling of security and protection.  The group gives up authority when it feels threatened with replacement, or extreme conflict.  Not exactly a pattern of behavior capable of solving long term issues.

Rights and Freedoms must be balances with Responsibilities and Duties.  The right for you to burn your waste vs your duty to the health of your neighbors.  In this light even security vs privacy makes a more coherent discussion.  The duty of the community to protect you as a member, versus your rights to be left alone as a member of the community.  Its about balance.  Nothing is absolute.  There is no black and white, only shades of colors.  There is a natural push and pull, but nothing is meant to be a final answer.  Its fluid, changing over time as we change, as where we are change, and as who we are changes.

This really is not a new problem.  It is a problem as older than civilization, and will be with us to our last days.  This is not a problem you solve.  This an equation you constantly rebalance.  This isn't about winners and losers.  Though we really do love that part of the rebalancing.   Its about being honest and flexible. 

This is hard to admit.  That as a member of a group I have responsibilities and duties to the group is not a fun idea for a nation of individualists.  Yet we are quick to accept the group has duties to us.  This is not a one way equation.  We all have duties to each other, if only in the simplest terms, to stop our fists at other people's faces.

I wish I had more energy for trying to pull these discussions out of people.  Because the most I have learned about an idea I thought I was certain on was through exploring this balance.  Understanding were the give and take was.  Trying to find my comfort of were to balance the scales.  Getting people to see the issue in this framework is not easy.  Most take the idea of their Rights and Freedoms  very seriously, which is fine.  They however take the ideas of responsibility and duties for those rights lightly, or not at all.

I had a point somewhere, but I lost it.  Sorry.  Next time maybe I will tell a funny story, or just link a cat video from youtube or something.  /end rant(s)

*sigh* ... ok one last time... PROGTFO

I am a Portland man, born as a Portland baby, raised as a Portland child, floundered as a Portland boy, in the end finding my way as a Portland man.  I have traveled here and there.  After all that I am, no matter where I go, a Portland man.  That is why I feel some sense of shame tonight.

Tonight is another reminder of for all of the forward looking, really wanting to do good this place has to offer, how easy it is to have it fucked all up by the simplest things.

Fluoride.

That's right, fluoride.  The city just took a vote on whether or not to start fluoridating the water.  The answer was close as makes no difference 60% no.  I am not surprised, I am not angry, I am not confused.  All I am is a little bit sad, and somewhat ashamed.  This is a fight we as a community have had several times in other guises.  We talk in terms of choice vs mandate, and safety vs risk.  But really the talk is couched terms for us vs them, seen vs unseen.  The words of elite vs masses, individual vs community.

Let me try to explain.  As anyone who has seen a Netflix'd (how weird is it that Netflix becoming a verb?) episode of Portlandia knows, we are a strange little group.  Historical roots of natives, trappers, racists, loggers, shippers, miners, sailors, hippies, communes, and Californian refuges.  We forget that, alot.  Especially here in the population center of the state.  We forget that we are unique because of how many different groups that cant stand each other find ways to coexist for the most part.  Now yes, it helps that were are not a very racially diverse state.  And that most of the American Indians (as I am told is the current PC to say, as the treaties that were never honored are labeled as such) have moved closer to the reservations with the new casinos have left us ever whiter.  But it is also because we tend to give people space, and leave most people to themselves.  Oregon has a very strong libertarian streak.

Portland, or at least parts of it have very progressive and or liberal leanings.  Again news to no one I'm sure.  Which makes the cognitive dissonance painful to watch.  We will fight to impose manslaughter charges on a commune of Christian Scientists who refuse medical treatment for their children.  Then turn around and refuse vaccines for our own.  Demand mandatory minimum sentences for  crimes, originally violent, then non-violent drug crimes.  Then come back and pass medical marijuana laws.  Demand that our "historical" neighborhoods pass new codes to "keep their identities."  Afterwords refusing to fluoridate the water.  Us vs Them.  Me vs You.  Seen vs Unseen.

We never have the talk at the root of the issues.  How much of my choice do I give up on balance for the communities interest?  How much must the community adapt and meet My unique needs as an individual?  There is no easy answer.  Its fluid.  It depends on  place, time, subject matter, historical context.  No wonder we never have the big talk.  We are afraid of it.

One radio ad talking point from the anti-fluoride campaign speaks volumes.  "We have over 200 local doctors who oppose fluoridation.  Shouldn't you?"  Well... no.  We have almost 600,000 people in Portland proper, and almost 2.3 Million in the greater Portland Metro area.  A quick search on WebMD shows 1543 registers general care practicians in Portland.(http://doctor.webmd.com/local/oregon/portland.htm 5/21/2013 10:21 PM PST)  Not counting dentists, specialists, homeopaths, and various other healers that pepper our schizophrenic hills.  But using that 200 is only about 13%.  Oh by the way, the 200 number is not MD's, rather a large collection of various homeopaths, such as chiropractors, acupuncturists, and massage therapists.  Yes there are MD's proper in the group but its a small fraction. (http://www.opb.org/news/series/fluoride/naturopaths-and-acupuncturists-lead-list-of-medical-professionals-opposed-to-fluoridation/)

Why then does this point work on people?  Because its not about doctors, or peer review, or greater good, or personal choice.  Not really anyways.  Sure some of that colors the fringe of the decisions, but mostly its simply something much sadder.  Don't tell me what to do.  But you god damn better do it My way.

Sorry this is a long one both of my readers, but its going to get longer. I will try to make it worth it.

Lets look at the Seen vs Unseen.  I don't think most affluent people in this, or any other community truly understand the life changes that happen when you have no dental coverage, or dental support.   Simply saying "well I brush my teeth, so should you" completely misses the point.  Most working poor cant truly afford healthcare.  Even after many of the recent reforms have begun to kick in, even with the Oregon Health Plan, there just isnt the coverage for people with out money in a for profit system.  Those who have basic or limited medical coverage don't have dental coverage.  Dental is expensive.  There's more than just brushing twice a day.  There's catching small problems early, orthodontia to deal that as a species we are still evolving and many of us are born with more teeth than will fit in our historically smaller mouths.  Our diets as a society have changed, the poorest of us eat the worst food for us.  Because that's whats subsidized, that's how you get 2000 calories at $5 a day.

Those with decent health care and dental care dont understand the unique hell that is dental pain.  Sure they may have had a root canal done once, or braces, or have had a cavity filled.  They maybe even had wisdom tooth issues as many do.  But do they really know what its like to live with those symptoms untreated for weeks, months, years, or even decades?  God I wish I was speaking in hyperbole.  For the most vulnerable of us this is life.  Take the tooth ace, that tooth infection, the soreness from the decay.  Now let it fester.  Let it sit there in your mouth day upon day, week upon week.  You cant concentrate the way you should, the pain is becoming the background noise to your life, you dont notice it because its always there, only worse with certain food or drink.  So you avoid those foods and drinks.  You move away from whole, unprocessed food because it requires more mastication which hurts, hurts bad.  You move to processed smooth foods with have so much less of the nutrition you need, and alot of the nutritional garbage you dont.  Now the pain continues to get worse because you cant afford the dentists that you so badly needed years go.  Even if you go now the bill will be with you for years to come.  You are tired all time, both your mind and body feel like they are running on fumes.  So you self medication.  You take a cocktail of Advil and Tylenol, maybe something stronger you get from a friend, or left over pain medication from family.

How long could you live like this?  Honestly take a moment and think, how long before you broke down?  How long before you accept the debt to end it?  Or simply find new ways of adapting and self medicating?

I was one of these people.  I worked with these people.  This is the working poor that surround us.  Our cooks, our cleaners, our drivers, our gardeners.  These are the children of the working poor.  We never have the talk about the most good for the most of us.  Let alone the sacrifices the most comfortable of us should make to protect the least well off that our comfort is built upon.  Yes, there are some health risks with high levels of fluoride.  Same is true of anything really.  Too much vitamin E will give you cancer, too much sun will burn you, too much water will drown you.  And yes the amount that is too much is different person to person.  That's the whole point of having a pro-con discussion.  Being honest and weighing risks and benefits.  Of admitting that on the whole I might like everything about it, but this can be a piece of the puzzle.

There are so many peered reviewed studies showing the link between dental health and total health.


Fluoridation is not a magic bullet.  It will not stop tooth decay.  It as a tool, one that works.  It a piece of a complicated solution to a complicated problem.  But we are all children, and refuse to admit the place we are, the places we want to go, and the paths to get there.

But that's not what the fight was about.  The fight was about "Its not my problem, I have dental care, so don't force it on me."  The issue was never that hardest of us to reach are the ones who need the help the most.  It was never an objective study of decades of peer reviewed work.  It was Seen vs Unseen.  Me vs Them.  Elite vs Masses.

And that's why I am ashamed tonight.

Blaaarg! Why do I do this stuff?

Let me be blunt.  I fucking hate people.  But, as I have said many a time before, I have great faith in the future of humanity.  Yay cognitive dissonance.  I work a job, a customer service job basically, that requires interaction with many many many people a day.   I do it because it pays well, and thanks to years of training, and various side things such as my attempts at standup comedy, or team forming for competitive what ever have yous I am damned good at it.  Being good does not make me suited for this work in some ways.  It takes alot of mental and and "social" energy to fake it all shift long.  By the time I get off of work I'm spent.  This is not a very physical job by any stretch, yet it is possibly the most draining job I have ever worked.  I used to work 14 hour days in restaurants if you want a measuring stick. 

Why is this so draining?  Well as I just said, I hate dealing with people.  People suck.  A person can be awesome, helpful, amazing even.  However, when grouped together people tend to suck with great vigor.   Also being a human being... sometimes, I remember the bad interactions more than the good.  Any CS Rep will tell you that.  A customer who gets great service just accepts it, and tells almost no one.  A customer who gets bad service tells on average 5 people, and a customer who gets beyond amazing service (as in service that there is no way to routinely replication due to staffing/quotas/service level agreements/stats/money/monkeys/etc) only tells 1 or 2 people on average.  Its a loosing game.  Any one who's job security or pay rate is determined by surveys knows that the better service you give the fewer people take the damned thing. 

So I do this job.  Hoping one day to be away from people.  Because for now, when I get home from work I have nothing left.  I dont want to see friends, family, or strangers.  I dont want to do the physical activities I love.  I have no drive to go and be on stage, write new material, work on my blog, cook something from scratch, or anything else.  I just want to unplug, and zone out.  Which is the vicious cycle.  The less I get out in the world, the fewer things I do just for fun, the less stress I am able to rid myself of.   Which makes me more withdrawn.  I could do jobs that require less of me, but then the stress of money becomes too great.  So again, yay.

Thinking now, it has literally been years since I've been onstage.  I wrote some new material months ago... but never went back to work on it to make it ready to try out.  It got lost in a computer crash and I haven't even tried to rewrite it. 

And here comes the silver lining.

Its spring time... sorta... chronologically, and soon the weather will be decent as well.  Which means on my days off I will go out to the tennis court, or driving range, or paintball field, or for a jog in the park.  I will want to stay up late and see a good show, hang out with friends again.  It will get better.  But for now, I just want to hibernate in my cave in hide from those stupid people I have to deal with on a daily basis.  Which sadly means hiding from me, because as a person type thing, I'm a stupid person too.  So it goes.

Super Bowls

I love the Superbowl.

No not for the damned commercials.  I love the super bowl because I love NFL football, and the game is the reward for two teams who had to survive a grueling season, and make it out of the playoffs.  This is were two teams have proven they alone have the right to play each other for the big trophy.

That is all

On the fun of getting lost...

So now that my almost forced bed rest has come to an end, it's time for me to get back to being active.  The slow often frustrating process of getting my body back into shape... or at least able be active for 10 minutes with out collapsing in a quivering pile of sweat.  So to get started I went for a 15 minute jog... that became an hour walk back to my place. 

I got lost.

It was fun.

I have often enjoyed getting lost and enjoying the randomness of the journey back.  Seeing things I would never have otherwise.  I think my favorite time getting lost was the summer of 2000 as an exchange student to Germany.  Having just spend 10 hours in San Fransisco International Airport, then 14 hours flying to Frankfurt, with another layover then flight to Berlin, I  had slept plenty.  So had a couple of others on the trip.  Never mind it was 3am once we where checked in to the hostel, we snuck out and went a wandering.  We walked down the streets of Berlin in the wee hours of the morning.

Some went and found the discotheques, and got a song stuck in their heads that they made sure got stuck in all of ours later.   Eventually I was wandering down the streets by myself as some of the cafes and bakeries where just opening.  It was amazing.  I was able to find a nice place to sit, with an amazing pastries (the Germans know their chocolate, just saying) and watch the historic city waken.

Nothing wrong with getting lost, as long as you make the time for it, I should do it more often.