So now that I've watched the new episodes I feel like writing some thoughts. I am a huge fan of the first 3 seasons. I bought the DVDs, and watch them about once a year. By now everyone knows the story. A quirky show, well written, acted with great timing. Put on at a time on Fox, when shows were being canceled left and right for various reasons. After being canceled there were many attempts to bring it back, and a long time running attempt to get a movie done. Finally Netfilx was able to finance a 4th season, and they put it all streaming. (Quick heads up I spent 10 months, as a temp to hire working for Netflix customer service. It sucked.)
So much like Futurama, the return has come with high expectations. But even if it doesn't live up to the expectation, it can still be better than alot of what is out there right now. That is not even the important part. It's all about distribution. 'They' are saying network TV is dying. 'They' (and really who is this they group anyways... other than media critics, market analysts, internet viewers, and content producers) may be right. Cable and Satellite have been slow to adapt to new viewing patterns. What ever, just go watch the damned episodes already.
Monday, May 27, 2013
Friday, May 24, 2013
Epic Monaco Gran Prix is Epic... god I hate the phrase "Epic"...
So as the two random internet gnomes who still read this know, I love me some hard core, full throttle, (insert sexual innuendo motor-sport phrase) F1 racing. And for me there are 3 races that are special. In reverse order they are...
Suzuka
Imola
and #1 is Monaco.
Suzuka is where many a championship has been won and lost. The high speed turn and s's are the standards in which teams design their cars to survive.
Imola is the fastest track, and has a dark history. Many a great has been wrecked on that course. What more it is a track every driver must respect as it has claimed the lives of several F1 drivers, including the great Ayrton Senna.
But the true test of a driver is the Monaco Gran Prix. The very tight track, very short straights, tight turns, elevation changes, and the famous hair pin turn require complete concentration. If a driver looses focus for a moment, they will end up in a wall. Overtaking, even with KERS and DRS is almost impossible, so to make it stick is a feat only skill can make happen. Ontop of that, if we get rain, the course becomes brutal. Only the best of the best can make it around with any consistency and speed.
That is not to mention the history. The street circuit that is the Monaco Gran Prix has been raced competitively since before being a "Gran Prix" was even a thing. This is a race that predates Formula 1 itself. Being able to win at Monaco cements a drivers name in racing history. And you cant help feel that history even through the practice sessions.
Suzuka
Imola
and #1 is Monaco.
Suzuka is where many a championship has been won and lost. The high speed turn and s's are the standards in which teams design their cars to survive.
Imola is the fastest track, and has a dark history. Many a great has been wrecked on that course. What more it is a track every driver must respect as it has claimed the lives of several F1 drivers, including the great Ayrton Senna.
But the true test of a driver is the Monaco Gran Prix. The very tight track, very short straights, tight turns, elevation changes, and the famous hair pin turn require complete concentration. If a driver looses focus for a moment, they will end up in a wall. Overtaking, even with KERS and DRS is almost impossible, so to make it stick is a feat only skill can make happen. Ontop of that, if we get rain, the course becomes brutal. Only the best of the best can make it around with any consistency and speed.
That is not to mention the history. The street circuit that is the Monaco Gran Prix has been raced competitively since before being a "Gran Prix" was even a thing. This is a race that predates Formula 1 itself. Being able to win at Monaco cements a drivers name in racing history. And you cant help feel that history even through the practice sessions.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
An almost true story... sort of...
So after the last couple of serious posts times for something silly.
37½ minutes.
As of last month that's my personal record for shortest train-wreck of a blind date yet. Yes that's right, 37½ minutes from hello, to good bye for ever.
So remember, like a game of Risk, at the game of blind dates I "win." You're welcome.
37½ minutes.
As of last month that's my personal record for shortest train-wreck of a blind date yet. Yes that's right, 37½ minutes from hello, to good bye for ever.
So remember, like a game of Risk, at the game of blind dates I "win." You're welcome.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Part 2 of serriously guys... PROGTFO
Ok. I'm still festering with that small twinge of pain that comes from knowing we as a community done bad. Or more accurately failed to do right for the wrong reasons. This is why we can't have nice things guys. This is a conflict so old, we refuse to see it clearly anymore. As I said last time. This is a conflict of My needs vs the Community's needs. My power vs the Community's power. How much do I give up to stay a member of a community? How much does the community surrender to keep me as a member?
We stopped talking like this, now we talk about rights and freedoms. I've quoted it before, but heck is a classic. Historically the right for you to swing your fist stops at my face. That's the liberal history of common law more or less. (Ok, that was a way over simplification, but screw you I'm cranky.) We refuse to surrender autonomy to the whole except out of fear. The community as a whole refuses to surrender authority except out of desperation. Security vs Revolution. We give up privacy and expedience for the feeling of security and protection. The group gives up authority when it feels threatened with replacement, or extreme conflict. Not exactly a pattern of behavior capable of solving long term issues.
Rights and Freedoms must be balances with Responsibilities and Duties. The right for you to burn your waste vs your duty to the health of your neighbors. In this light even security vs privacy makes a more coherent discussion. The duty of the community to protect you as a member, versus your rights to be left alone as a member of the community. Its about balance. Nothing is absolute. There is no black and white, only shades of colors. There is a natural push and pull, but nothing is meant to be a final answer. Its fluid, changing over time as we change, as where we are change, and as who we are changes.
This really is not a new problem. It is a problem as older than civilization, and will be with us to our last days. This is not a problem you solve. This an equation you constantly rebalance. This isn't about winners and losers. Though we really do love that part of the rebalancing. Its about being honest and flexible.
This is hard to admit. That as a member of a group I have responsibilities and duties to the group is not a fun idea for a nation of individualists. Yet we are quick to accept the group has duties to us. This is not a one way equation. We all have duties to each other, if only in the simplest terms, to stop our fists at other people's faces.
I wish I had more energy for trying to pull these discussions out of people. Because the most I have learned about an idea I thought I was certain on was through exploring this balance. Understanding were the give and take was. Trying to find my comfort of were to balance the scales. Getting people to see the issue in this framework is not easy. Most take the idea of their Rights and Freedoms very seriously, which is fine. They however take the ideas of responsibility and duties for those rights lightly, or not at all.
I had a point somewhere, but I lost it. Sorry. Next time maybe I will tell a funny story, or just link a cat video from youtube or something. /end rant(s)
We stopped talking like this, now we talk about rights and freedoms. I've quoted it before, but heck is a classic. Historically the right for you to swing your fist stops at my face. That's the liberal history of common law more or less. (Ok, that was a way over simplification, but screw you I'm cranky.) We refuse to surrender autonomy to the whole except out of fear. The community as a whole refuses to surrender authority except out of desperation. Security vs Revolution. We give up privacy and expedience for the feeling of security and protection. The group gives up authority when it feels threatened with replacement, or extreme conflict. Not exactly a pattern of behavior capable of solving long term issues.
Rights and Freedoms must be balances with Responsibilities and Duties. The right for you to burn your waste vs your duty to the health of your neighbors. In this light even security vs privacy makes a more coherent discussion. The duty of the community to protect you as a member, versus your rights to be left alone as a member of the community. Its about balance. Nothing is absolute. There is no black and white, only shades of colors. There is a natural push and pull, but nothing is meant to be a final answer. Its fluid, changing over time as we change, as where we are change, and as who we are changes.
This really is not a new problem. It is a problem as older than civilization, and will be with us to our last days. This is not a problem you solve. This an equation you constantly rebalance. This isn't about winners and losers. Though we really do love that part of the rebalancing. Its about being honest and flexible.
This is hard to admit. That as a member of a group I have responsibilities and duties to the group is not a fun idea for a nation of individualists. Yet we are quick to accept the group has duties to us. This is not a one way equation. We all have duties to each other, if only in the simplest terms, to stop our fists at other people's faces.
I wish I had more energy for trying to pull these discussions out of people. Because the most I have learned about an idea I thought I was certain on was through exploring this balance. Understanding were the give and take was. Trying to find my comfort of were to balance the scales. Getting people to see the issue in this framework is not easy. Most take the idea of their Rights and Freedoms very seriously, which is fine. They however take the ideas of responsibility and duties for those rights lightly, or not at all.
I had a point somewhere, but I lost it. Sorry. Next time maybe I will tell a funny story, or just link a cat video from youtube or something. /end rant(s)
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
*sigh* ... ok one last time... PROGTFO
I am a Portland man, born as a Portland baby, raised as a Portland child, floundered as a Portland boy, in the end finding my way as a Portland man. I have traveled here and there. After all that I am, no matter where I go, a Portland man. That is why I feel some sense of shame tonight.
Tonight is another reminder of for all of the forward looking, really wanting to do good this place has to offer, how easy it is to have it fucked all up by the simplest things.
Fluoride.
That's right, fluoride. The city just took a vote on whether or not to start fluoridating the water. The answer was close as makes no difference 60% no. I am not surprised, I am not angry, I am not confused. All I am is a little bit sad, and somewhat ashamed. This is a fight we as a community have had several times in other guises. We talk in terms of choice vs mandate, and safety vs risk. But really the talk is couched terms for us vs them, seen vs unseen. The words of elite vs masses, individual vs community.
Let me try to explain. As anyone who has seen a Netflix'd (how weird is it that Netflix becoming a verb?) episode of Portlandia knows, we are a strange little group. Historical roots of natives, trappers, racists, loggers, shippers, miners, sailors, hippies, communes, and Californian refuges. We forget that, alot. Especially here in the population center of the state. We forget that we are unique because of how many different groups that cant stand each other find ways to coexist for the most part. Now yes, it helps that were are not a very racially diverse state. And that most of the American Indians (as I am told is the current PC to say, as the treaties that were never honored are labeled as such) have moved closer to the reservations with the new casinos have left us ever whiter. But it is also because we tend to give people space, and leave most people to themselves. Oregon has a very strong libertarian streak.
Portland, or at least parts of it have very progressive and or liberal leanings. Again news to no one I'm sure. Which makes the cognitive dissonance painful to watch. We will fight to impose manslaughter charges on a commune of Christian Scientists who refuse medical treatment for their children. Then turn around and refuse vaccines for our own. Demand mandatory minimum sentences for crimes, originally violent, then non-violent drug crimes. Then come back and pass medical marijuana laws. Demand that our "historical" neighborhoods pass new codes to "keep their identities." Afterwords refusing to fluoridate the water. Us vs Them. Me vs You. Seen vs Unseen.
We never have the talk at the root of the issues. How much of my choice do I give up on balance for the communities interest? How much must the community adapt and meet My unique needs as an individual? There is no easy answer. Its fluid. It depends on place, time, subject matter, historical context. No wonder we never have the big talk. We are afraid of it.
One radio ad talking point from the anti-fluoride campaign speaks volumes. "We have over 200 local doctors who oppose fluoridation. Shouldn't you?" Well... no. We have almost 600,000 people in Portland proper, and almost 2.3 Million in the greater Portland Metro area. A quick search on WebMD shows 1543 registers general care practicians in Portland.(http://doctor.webmd.com/local/oregon/portland.htm 5/21/2013 10:21 PM PST) Not counting dentists, specialists, homeopaths, and various other healers that pepper our schizophrenic hills. But using that 200 is only about 13%. Oh by the way, the 200 number is not MD's, rather a large collection of various homeopaths, such as chiropractors, acupuncturists, and massage therapists. Yes there are MD's proper in the group but its a small fraction. (http://www.opb.org/news/series/fluoride/naturopaths-and-acupuncturists-lead-list-of-medical-professionals-opposed-to-fluoridation/)
Why then does this point work on people? Because its not about doctors, or peer review, or greater good, or personal choice. Not really anyways. Sure some of that colors the fringe of the decisions, but mostly its simply something much sadder. Don't tell me what to do. But you god damn better do it My way.
Sorry this is a long one both of my readers, but its going to get longer. I will try to make it worth it.
Lets look at the Seen vs Unseen. I don't think most affluent people in this, or any other community truly understand the life changes that happen when you have no dental coverage, or dental support. Simply saying "well I brush my teeth, so should you" completely misses the point. Most working poor cant truly afford healthcare. Even after many of the recent reforms have begun to kick in, even with the Oregon Health Plan, there just isnt the coverage for people with out money in a for profit system. Those who have basic or limited medical coverage don't have dental coverage. Dental is expensive. There's more than just brushing twice a day. There's catching small problems early, orthodontia to deal that as a species we are still evolving and many of us are born with more teeth than will fit in our historically smaller mouths. Our diets as a society have changed, the poorest of us eat the worst food for us. Because that's whats subsidized, that's how you get 2000 calories at $5 a day.
Those with decent health care and dental care dont understand the unique hell that is dental pain. Sure they may have had a root canal done once, or braces, or have had a cavity filled. They maybe even had wisdom tooth issues as many do. But do they really know what its like to live with those symptoms untreated for weeks, months, years, or even decades? God I wish I was speaking in hyperbole. For the most vulnerable of us this is life. Take the tooth ace, that tooth infection, the soreness from the decay. Now let it fester. Let it sit there in your mouth day upon day, week upon week. You cant concentrate the way you should, the pain is becoming the background noise to your life, you dont notice it because its always there, only worse with certain food or drink. So you avoid those foods and drinks. You move away from whole, unprocessed food because it requires more mastication which hurts, hurts bad. You move to processed smooth foods with have so much less of the nutrition you need, and alot of the nutritional garbage you dont. Now the pain continues to get worse because you cant afford the dentists that you so badly needed years go. Even if you go now the bill will be with you for years to come. You are tired all time, both your mind and body feel like they are running on fumes. So you self medication. You take a cocktail of Advil and Tylenol, maybe something stronger you get from a friend, or left over pain medication from family.
How long could you live like this? Honestly take a moment and think, how long before you broke down? How long before you accept the debt to end it? Or simply find new ways of adapting and self medicating?
I was one of these people. I worked with these people. This is the working poor that surround us. Our cooks, our cleaners, our drivers, our gardeners. These are the children of the working poor. We never have the talk about the most good for the most of us. Let alone the sacrifices the most comfortable of us should make to protect the least well off that our comfort is built upon. Yes, there are some health risks with high levels of fluoride. Same is true of anything really. Too much vitamin E will give you cancer, too much sun will burn you, too much water will drown you. And yes the amount that is too much is different person to person. That's the whole point of having a pro-con discussion. Being honest and weighing risks and benefits. Of admitting that on the whole I might like everything about it, but this can be a piece of the puzzle.
There are so many peered reviewed studies showing the link between dental health and total health.
Fluoridation is not a magic bullet. It will not stop tooth decay. It as a tool, one that works. It a piece of a complicated solution to a complicated problem. But we are all children, and refuse to admit the place we are, the places we want to go, and the paths to get there.
But that's not what the fight was about. The fight was about "Its not my problem, I have dental care, so don't force it on me." The issue was never that hardest of us to reach are the ones who need the help the most. It was never an objective study of decades of peer reviewed work. It was Seen vs Unseen. Me vs Them. Elite vs Masses.
And that's why I am ashamed tonight.
Tonight is another reminder of for all of the forward looking, really wanting to do good this place has to offer, how easy it is to have it fucked all up by the simplest things.
Fluoride.
That's right, fluoride. The city just took a vote on whether or not to start fluoridating the water. The answer was close as makes no difference 60% no. I am not surprised, I am not angry, I am not confused. All I am is a little bit sad, and somewhat ashamed. This is a fight we as a community have had several times in other guises. We talk in terms of choice vs mandate, and safety vs risk. But really the talk is couched terms for us vs them, seen vs unseen. The words of elite vs masses, individual vs community.
Let me try to explain. As anyone who has seen a Netflix'd (how weird is it that Netflix becoming a verb?) episode of Portlandia knows, we are a strange little group. Historical roots of natives, trappers, racists, loggers, shippers, miners, sailors, hippies, communes, and Californian refuges. We forget that, alot. Especially here in the population center of the state. We forget that we are unique because of how many different groups that cant stand each other find ways to coexist for the most part. Now yes, it helps that were are not a very racially diverse state. And that most of the American Indians (as I am told is the current PC to say, as the treaties that were never honored are labeled as such) have moved closer to the reservations with the new casinos have left us ever whiter. But it is also because we tend to give people space, and leave most people to themselves. Oregon has a very strong libertarian streak.
Portland, or at least parts of it have very progressive and or liberal leanings. Again news to no one I'm sure. Which makes the cognitive dissonance painful to watch. We will fight to impose manslaughter charges on a commune of Christian Scientists who refuse medical treatment for their children. Then turn around and refuse vaccines for our own. Demand mandatory minimum sentences for crimes, originally violent, then non-violent drug crimes. Then come back and pass medical marijuana laws. Demand that our "historical" neighborhoods pass new codes to "keep their identities." Afterwords refusing to fluoridate the water. Us vs Them. Me vs You. Seen vs Unseen.
We never have the talk at the root of the issues. How much of my choice do I give up on balance for the communities interest? How much must the community adapt and meet My unique needs as an individual? There is no easy answer. Its fluid. It depends on place, time, subject matter, historical context. No wonder we never have the big talk. We are afraid of it.
One radio ad talking point from the anti-fluoride campaign speaks volumes. "We have over 200 local doctors who oppose fluoridation. Shouldn't you?" Well... no. We have almost 600,000 people in Portland proper, and almost 2.3 Million in the greater Portland Metro area. A quick search on WebMD shows 1543 registers general care practicians in Portland.(http://doctor.webmd.com/local/oregon/portland.htm 5/21/2013 10:21 PM PST) Not counting dentists, specialists, homeopaths, and various other healers that pepper our schizophrenic hills. But using that 200 is only about 13%. Oh by the way, the 200 number is not MD's, rather a large collection of various homeopaths, such as chiropractors, acupuncturists, and massage therapists. Yes there are MD's proper in the group but its a small fraction. (http://www.opb.org/news/series/fluoride/naturopaths-and-acupuncturists-lead-list-of-medical-professionals-opposed-to-fluoridation/)
Why then does this point work on people? Because its not about doctors, or peer review, or greater good, or personal choice. Not really anyways. Sure some of that colors the fringe of the decisions, but mostly its simply something much sadder. Don't tell me what to do. But you god damn better do it My way.
Sorry this is a long one both of my readers, but its going to get longer. I will try to make it worth it.
Lets look at the Seen vs Unseen. I don't think most affluent people in this, or any other community truly understand the life changes that happen when you have no dental coverage, or dental support. Simply saying "well I brush my teeth, so should you" completely misses the point. Most working poor cant truly afford healthcare. Even after many of the recent reforms have begun to kick in, even with the Oregon Health Plan, there just isnt the coverage for people with out money in a for profit system. Those who have basic or limited medical coverage don't have dental coverage. Dental is expensive. There's more than just brushing twice a day. There's catching small problems early, orthodontia to deal that as a species we are still evolving and many of us are born with more teeth than will fit in our historically smaller mouths. Our diets as a society have changed, the poorest of us eat the worst food for us. Because that's whats subsidized, that's how you get 2000 calories at $5 a day.
Those with decent health care and dental care dont understand the unique hell that is dental pain. Sure they may have had a root canal done once, or braces, or have had a cavity filled. They maybe even had wisdom tooth issues as many do. But do they really know what its like to live with those symptoms untreated for weeks, months, years, or even decades? God I wish I was speaking in hyperbole. For the most vulnerable of us this is life. Take the tooth ace, that tooth infection, the soreness from the decay. Now let it fester. Let it sit there in your mouth day upon day, week upon week. You cant concentrate the way you should, the pain is becoming the background noise to your life, you dont notice it because its always there, only worse with certain food or drink. So you avoid those foods and drinks. You move away from whole, unprocessed food because it requires more mastication which hurts, hurts bad. You move to processed smooth foods with have so much less of the nutrition you need, and alot of the nutritional garbage you dont. Now the pain continues to get worse because you cant afford the dentists that you so badly needed years go. Even if you go now the bill will be with you for years to come. You are tired all time, both your mind and body feel like they are running on fumes. So you self medication. You take a cocktail of Advil and Tylenol, maybe something stronger you get from a friend, or left over pain medication from family.
How long could you live like this? Honestly take a moment and think, how long before you broke down? How long before you accept the debt to end it? Or simply find new ways of adapting and self medicating?
I was one of these people. I worked with these people. This is the working poor that surround us. Our cooks, our cleaners, our drivers, our gardeners. These are the children of the working poor. We never have the talk about the most good for the most of us. Let alone the sacrifices the most comfortable of us should make to protect the least well off that our comfort is built upon. Yes, there are some health risks with high levels of fluoride. Same is true of anything really. Too much vitamin E will give you cancer, too much sun will burn you, too much water will drown you. And yes the amount that is too much is different person to person. That's the whole point of having a pro-con discussion. Being honest and weighing risks and benefits. Of admitting that on the whole I might like everything about it, but this can be a piece of the puzzle.
There are so many peered reviewed studies showing the link between dental health and total health.
Fluoridation is not a magic bullet. It will not stop tooth decay. It as a tool, one that works. It a piece of a complicated solution to a complicated problem. But we are all children, and refuse to admit the place we are, the places we want to go, and the paths to get there.
But that's not what the fight was about. The fight was about "Its not my problem, I have dental care, so don't force it on me." The issue was never that hardest of us to reach are the ones who need the help the most. It was never an objective study of decades of peer reviewed work. It was Seen vs Unseen. Me vs Them. Elite vs Masses.
And that's why I am ashamed tonight.
Friday, April 19, 2013
Blaaarg! Why do I do this stuff?
Let me be blunt. I fucking hate people. But, as I have said many a time before, I have great faith in the future of humanity. Yay cognitive dissonance. I work a job, a customer service job basically, that requires interaction with many many many people a day. I do it because it pays well, and thanks to years of training, and various side things such as my attempts at standup comedy, or team forming for competitive what ever have yous I am damned good at it. Being good does not make me suited for this work in some ways. It takes alot of mental and and "social" energy to fake it all shift long. By the time I get off of work I'm spent. This is not a very physical job by any stretch, yet it is possibly the most draining job I have ever worked. I used to work 14 hour days in restaurants if you want a measuring stick.
Why is this so draining? Well as I just said, I hate dealing with people. People suck. A person can be awesome, helpful, amazing even. However, when grouped together people tend to suck with great vigor. Also being a human being... sometimes, I remember the bad interactions more than the good. Any CS Rep will tell you that. A customer who gets great service just accepts it, and tells almost no one. A customer who gets bad service tells on average 5 people, and a customer who gets beyond amazing service (as in service that there is no way to routinely replication due to staffing/quotas/service level agreements/stats/money/monkeys/etc) only tells 1 or 2 people on average. Its a loosing game. Any one who's job security or pay rate is determined by surveys knows that the better service you give the fewer people take the damned thing.
So I do this job. Hoping one day to be away from people. Because for now, when I get home from work I have nothing left. I dont want to see friends, family, or strangers. I dont want to do the physical activities I love. I have no drive to go and be on stage, write new material, work on my blog, cook something from scratch, or anything else. I just want to unplug, and zone out. Which is the vicious cycle. The less I get out in the world, the fewer things I do just for fun, the less stress I am able to rid myself of. Which makes me more withdrawn. I could do jobs that require less of me, but then the stress of money becomes too great. So again, yay.
Thinking now, it has literally been years since I've been onstage. I wrote some new material months ago... but never went back to work on it to make it ready to try out. It got lost in a computer crash and I haven't even tried to rewrite it.
And here comes the silver lining.
Its spring time... sorta... chronologically, and soon the weather will be decent as well. Which means on my days off I will go out to the tennis court, or driving range, or paintball field, or for a jog in the park. I will want to stay up late and see a good show, hang out with friends again. It will get better. But for now, I just want to hibernate in my cave in hide from those stupid people I have to deal with on a daily basis. Which sadly means hiding from me, because as a person type thing, I'm a stupid person too. So it goes.
Why is this so draining? Well as I just said, I hate dealing with people. People suck. A person can be awesome, helpful, amazing even. However, when grouped together people tend to suck with great vigor. Also being a human being... sometimes, I remember the bad interactions more than the good. Any CS Rep will tell you that. A customer who gets great service just accepts it, and tells almost no one. A customer who gets bad service tells on average 5 people, and a customer who gets beyond amazing service (as in service that there is no way to routinely replication due to staffing/quotas/service level agreements/stats/money/monkeys/etc) only tells 1 or 2 people on average. Its a loosing game. Any one who's job security or pay rate is determined by surveys knows that the better service you give the fewer people take the damned thing.
So I do this job. Hoping one day to be away from people. Because for now, when I get home from work I have nothing left. I dont want to see friends, family, or strangers. I dont want to do the physical activities I love. I have no drive to go and be on stage, write new material, work on my blog, cook something from scratch, or anything else. I just want to unplug, and zone out. Which is the vicious cycle. The less I get out in the world, the fewer things I do just for fun, the less stress I am able to rid myself of. Which makes me more withdrawn. I could do jobs that require less of me, but then the stress of money becomes too great. So again, yay.
Thinking now, it has literally been years since I've been onstage. I wrote some new material months ago... but never went back to work on it to make it ready to try out. It got lost in a computer crash and I haven't even tried to rewrite it.
And here comes the silver lining.
Its spring time... sorta... chronologically, and soon the weather will be decent as well. Which means on my days off I will go out to the tennis court, or driving range, or paintball field, or for a jog in the park. I will want to stay up late and see a good show, hang out with friends again. It will get better. But for now, I just want to hibernate in my cave in hide from those stupid people I have to deal with on a daily basis. Which sadly means hiding from me, because as a person type thing, I'm a stupid person too. So it goes.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Super Bowls
I love the Superbowl.
No not for the damned commercials. I love the super bowl because I love NFL football, and the game is the reward for two teams who had to survive a grueling season, and make it out of the playoffs. This is were two teams have proven they alone have the right to play each other for the big trophy.
That is all
No not for the damned commercials. I love the super bowl because I love NFL football, and the game is the reward for two teams who had to survive a grueling season, and make it out of the playoffs. This is were two teams have proven they alone have the right to play each other for the big trophy.
That is all
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
On the fun of getting lost...
So now that my almost forced bed rest has come to an end, it's time for me to get back to being active. The slow often frustrating process of getting my body back into shape... or at least able be active for 10 minutes with out collapsing in a quivering pile of sweat. So to get started I went for a 15 minute jog... that became an hour walk back to my place.
I got lost.
It was fun.
I have often enjoyed getting lost and enjoying the randomness of the journey back. Seeing things I would never have otherwise. I think my favorite time getting lost was the summer of 2000 as an exchange student to Germany. Having just spend 10 hours in San Fransisco International Airport, then 14 hours flying to Frankfurt, with another layover then flight to Berlin, I had slept plenty. So had a couple of others on the trip. Never mind it was 3am once we where checked in to the hostel, we snuck out and went a wandering. We walked down the streets of Berlin in the wee hours of the morning.
Some went and found the discotheques, and got a song stuck in their heads that they made sure got stuck in all of ours later. Eventually I was wandering down the streets by myself as some of the cafes and bakeries where just opening. It was amazing. I was able to find a nice place to sit, with an amazing pastries (the Germans know their chocolate, just saying) and watch the historic city waken.
Nothing wrong with getting lost, as long as you make the time for it, I should do it more often.
I got lost.
It was fun.
I have often enjoyed getting lost and enjoying the randomness of the journey back. Seeing things I would never have otherwise. I think my favorite time getting lost was the summer of 2000 as an exchange student to Germany. Having just spend 10 hours in San Fransisco International Airport, then 14 hours flying to Frankfurt, with another layover then flight to Berlin, I had slept plenty. So had a couple of others on the trip. Never mind it was 3am once we where checked in to the hostel, we snuck out and went a wandering. We walked down the streets of Berlin in the wee hours of the morning.
Some went and found the discotheques, and got a song stuck in their heads that they made sure got stuck in all of ours later. Eventually I was wandering down the streets by myself as some of the cafes and bakeries where just opening. It was amazing. I was able to find a nice place to sit, with an amazing pastries (the Germans know their chocolate, just saying) and watch the historic city waken.
Nothing wrong with getting lost, as long as you make the time for it, I should do it more often.
Friday, December 28, 2012
New stuff is neat... gimme gimme gimme...
I like new things. There I said it. I love new science, new technologies, new media, new games, new friends, new enemies, new favorite sandwich. Yet I hate change... go figure.
Mostly though I like the idea of us as a species learning new things. The fact that some of us as humans are able to peer deeper into the mysteries of the physical universe and find proof of the Higgs Boson, or dark matter, or able to give sight back to the blind, take the idea of memory away from the realm of then metaphysic to the realm of them empiricist. We as a species are damned impressive. Humanity defintly has its moments of glory.
I am an odd duck. Ok you knew that but still let me explain. I am pessimistic about our immediate future most of the time. I feel the systems we have built for ourselves have become our cages more often than not. We have the inability to take the long view, and that might be an evolutionary issue. But here's the odd part, I am optimistic for our long term as a species.
Granted, to steal a classic phrase, we stand on the shoulders of giants. The collective knowledge, cultural heritage, and technology are the products of a very special few amongst the very many average rest of us. Einstein, Newton, Voltaire, Plato, Sun Tzu, Lao Tse, and a handful of others are the diamonds in the rough of humanity. We the masses benefit from their genius, while being unable to truly join them in their understanding. Newton was so far beyond, he had to create a new level of mathematics just to described the new science he laid out in physics. I will never approach that level of discovery.
But we don't stop, the best of us keep going, pressing out to the borders of our collective knowledge, our collective cultures, our technologies. The next wave builds upon the collected work of all the previous generations. Well ok, the works that survived. But still, that's alot. This is our light in the darkness, to blatantly steal from Carl Sagan. Our reason, our adaptation to new ideas, and our drive to understand. Our light only gets brighter. Just as the days get longer, as we pass the solstice of darkest nights, so to does our collected us shine stronger and brighter.
I am a pretty bad pessimist. I have hope in us all. I blame the Quakers.... but that's another rant for another day.
Mostly though I like the idea of us as a species learning new things. The fact that some of us as humans are able to peer deeper into the mysteries of the physical universe and find proof of the Higgs Boson, or dark matter, or able to give sight back to the blind, take the idea of memory away from the realm of then metaphysic to the realm of them empiricist. We as a species are damned impressive. Humanity defintly has its moments of glory.
I am an odd duck. Ok you knew that but still let me explain. I am pessimistic about our immediate future most of the time. I feel the systems we have built for ourselves have become our cages more often than not. We have the inability to take the long view, and that might be an evolutionary issue. But here's the odd part, I am optimistic for our long term as a species.
Granted, to steal a classic phrase, we stand on the shoulders of giants. The collective knowledge, cultural heritage, and technology are the products of a very special few amongst the very many average rest of us. Einstein, Newton, Voltaire, Plato, Sun Tzu, Lao Tse, and a handful of others are the diamonds in the rough of humanity. We the masses benefit from their genius, while being unable to truly join them in their understanding. Newton was so far beyond, he had to create a new level of mathematics just to described the new science he laid out in physics. I will never approach that level of discovery.
But we don't stop, the best of us keep going, pressing out to the borders of our collective knowledge, our collective cultures, our technologies. The next wave builds upon the collected work of all the previous generations. Well ok, the works that survived. But still, that's alot. This is our light in the darkness, to blatantly steal from Carl Sagan. Our reason, our adaptation to new ideas, and our drive to understand. Our light only gets brighter. Just as the days get longer, as we pass the solstice of darkest nights, so to does our collected us shine stronger and brighter.
I am a pretty bad pessimist. I have hope in us all. I blame the Quakers.... but that's another rant for another day.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Context, its kinda important... historically speaking ....
So with a degree in Polisci, and that pesky minor in Philosophy, I get roped into more conversations about random things than I should. Though to be fair, I would probably get into those anyways. The problem though is that often it can be like pounding your head against a electrified brick wall. Its shockingly painful. Yeah not a great pun but its early and I'm confuzled.
Whats most painful is what my old anthropology professor called the "Flintstone Fallacy." We have a tendency to project the way of life we live into past cultures and histories. After all, to blatantly rip off many funnier comedians than I, how does Fred Flintstone celebrate the mass commemorating Jesus Christs birth 1,000 years give or take before he was born? We assume because its been around us our whole life... or most of it anyways, that it must always have been.
This projection creates illusions. When we dont know the details we fill in the gaps with our experiences, which often would have been so alien to those we are projecting ourselves on. I have no idea what it would have been like to live day in and day out as a recently conquered addition to the Roman Empire. I have no personal context to be one of the first wandering tribes to sow seeds and grow barley, or rice, to ferment into the first beers. There has been no part of my life that would let me empathize with a son of "untouchable" in any true class structured society.
Being an American having discussions about international politics and foreign policy is quickly becoming closer to conversations at the end of the British Empire. I cant explain where I think we as the American Empire should go without either assuming the other people in the discussion know the basic histories for 1,000+ years, or taking the time to cliff notes my basic history knowledge.
How can I expect people to understand the guilt that seems to drive modern Germany's desire to hold the EU together with all of its resources, while at the same time pointing to the lack of historical memory that is creating many of the same frameworks around those other EU members that led to the guilt in the first place? Or why chlorinated pools are still frowned upon in most of Europe with out understanding the horrors of the first World War. Understanding the problems of trying to occupy Afghanistan require 2,000 years of history, and an understanding of the many Abraham theologies. How can I have a discussion about what the Bill of Rights means when we quite literally have different meanings for some of the words used due to the evolution of our language and culture.
Looking up I can see this is a longer rant... but I am going to keep going... sorry the unknown internet gnomes.
What has me frustrated this time, is the 2nd amendment talk. I live in a part of the country that has had some terrible shootings in my life time. I also live in a part of the country that was first re-settled (there were already people living here) by trappers and hunters, and later loggers and fishermen. There is a strong history of firearms in this state. As a matter of fact the state constitutions copy and pasted definitions of firearms is so murky that it would take case to the state supreme court to clarify it, and that's not a case that anyone would be part of. (Quick side note, due to the way the definitions are written, it is a plausible interpretation that anything that can fully automatically shoot projectiles can count as a machine gun with out first counting as a fire arm. Now in daily life this is merely one of those quirky things no one has do deal with. But it could lead to difficult legislation enforcement down the road.) However, there is no historical understanding. Very few people I have met can truly put themselves into the shoes of a recently freed colony, that won its freedom from an Empire that did not use its full resources, out of needing them to deal with the French, and has made no secret it may try to reclaim the newly freed colony later. This is an era before national conflict as we see it today. Pre-industrial war, before Napoleon, and Clausewitz, before some of major technological and organizational advancements that shape every military to this day.
Let me be very blunt. There was a different understanding of what the 2nd amendment was supposed to be than what it is assumed to be today. To be fair that's true of most of the amendments. There was a reasonable fear that British would attempt to reclaim their old colony. (See the war of 1812 to understand how reasonable that fear was.) With out a large (or any real) standing army, the need was to be able to draw up militias from the people in the time of national defense. Also this was a time when the average soldiers weapon was not too different from a hunters weapon. This is no longer true. While the average difference in a breach loading weapon where minimal except smooth bore vs. rifled, there is a massive difference today. A bolt action Remington Model 798 hunting rifle while very effective is a world apart from a Barret M99-1 which is a .50 military sniper rifle. They are no longer analogous. Even the ammunition is different. Where a hunter may use soft lead, or hollow points, a military use may include flechette, full metal jacketed, depleted uranium, Teflon coated, tracer, explosive, or sabot rounds, and if the military use in question decides to to adhere to conventions there are even more exotic and dangerous options.
But that's not the biggest part of the missing conversation. That comes from the 80's... though to be fair-ish it goes further back. In the 80's the US pretty much made it illegal to have severe mental health issues. Let me explain. The mental health system at the time was barbarous, and really was doing a lot of harm. There were not a lot of long term healthy outcomes as much as facilities for long term observation and long term hospitalization. There was a very real need to reform the system. What ended up happening is many "insane asylums" where shut down, and the ability to admit someone that needed help but was not an imminent threat to themselves or others was all but abolished. The mental health system was gutted. So those with severe mental health problems often end up on the streets, self medicating, or end up participating in the revolving doors of jails and prisons being held for minimum amounts of time before being released again. While this is not always what happens, it is common enough to be worrisome.
We treat mental health issues with stigmas. Somebody suffering with one of the many forms of depression is "weak" or "broken" and should be ostracized. We don't think of mental health the same as physical health. We really should. They are interdependent enough to be the same. We need to take a long, brutal, honest look in the collective mirror. There are no simple solutions to our problems as a society. Worse, the longer we wait the more complicated and difficult the solutions become. We need to take stock of ourselves and admit where we have failed, where we are failing now, and the difficult choices we have ahead.
When people need help, we as a community need to be proactive in helping them get it, and sometimes at the extreme of forcing them into places of help. While you cannot truly help those who don't want to be helped, you can get them to places where they have a chance of taking ownership of their lives again. We must understand the stigmas we reinforce every day and take personal responsibility for our actions, or more often inaction. How many lives could have been saved, how many futures could have been better if we were willing to do the hard, expensive stuff that takes years to make a difference?
History is important. Knowing ours, knowing the history of those we talk about, and talk with is important. Knowing the history of the systems we use, or take for granted everyday is important. Understanding the interconnectedness of those systems is even more important. I am a very stupid person, really I am. Anyone who has read this blog knows that. But even I can see how much we hide from the painful truths of ourselves because (insert any cliche excuse here.)
I lost my point somewhere... but then again I always do.
/end rant
Whats most painful is what my old anthropology professor called the "Flintstone Fallacy." We have a tendency to project the way of life we live into past cultures and histories. After all, to blatantly rip off many funnier comedians than I, how does Fred Flintstone celebrate the mass commemorating Jesus Christs birth 1,000 years give or take before he was born? We assume because its been around us our whole life... or most of it anyways, that it must always have been.
This projection creates illusions. When we dont know the details we fill in the gaps with our experiences, which often would have been so alien to those we are projecting ourselves on. I have no idea what it would have been like to live day in and day out as a recently conquered addition to the Roman Empire. I have no personal context to be one of the first wandering tribes to sow seeds and grow barley, or rice, to ferment into the first beers. There has been no part of my life that would let me empathize with a son of "untouchable" in any true class structured society.
Being an American having discussions about international politics and foreign policy is quickly becoming closer to conversations at the end of the British Empire. I cant explain where I think we as the American Empire should go without either assuming the other people in the discussion know the basic histories for 1,000+ years, or taking the time to cliff notes my basic history knowledge.
How can I expect people to understand the guilt that seems to drive modern Germany's desire to hold the EU together with all of its resources, while at the same time pointing to the lack of historical memory that is creating many of the same frameworks around those other EU members that led to the guilt in the first place? Or why chlorinated pools are still frowned upon in most of Europe with out understanding the horrors of the first World War. Understanding the problems of trying to occupy Afghanistan require 2,000 years of history, and an understanding of the many Abraham theologies. How can I have a discussion about what the Bill of Rights means when we quite literally have different meanings for some of the words used due to the evolution of our language and culture.
Looking up I can see this is a longer rant... but I am going to keep going... sorry the unknown internet gnomes.
What has me frustrated this time, is the 2nd amendment talk. I live in a part of the country that has had some terrible shootings in my life time. I also live in a part of the country that was first re-settled (there were already people living here) by trappers and hunters, and later loggers and fishermen. There is a strong history of firearms in this state. As a matter of fact the state constitutions copy and pasted definitions of firearms is so murky that it would take case to the state supreme court to clarify it, and that's not a case that anyone would be part of. (Quick side note, due to the way the definitions are written, it is a plausible interpretation that anything that can fully automatically shoot projectiles can count as a machine gun with out first counting as a fire arm. Now in daily life this is merely one of those quirky things no one has do deal with. But it could lead to difficult legislation enforcement down the road.) However, there is no historical understanding. Very few people I have met can truly put themselves into the shoes of a recently freed colony, that won its freedom from an Empire that did not use its full resources, out of needing them to deal with the French, and has made no secret it may try to reclaim the newly freed colony later. This is an era before national conflict as we see it today. Pre-industrial war, before Napoleon, and Clausewitz, before some of major technological and organizational advancements that shape every military to this day.
Let me be very blunt. There was a different understanding of what the 2nd amendment was supposed to be than what it is assumed to be today. To be fair that's true of most of the amendments. There was a reasonable fear that British would attempt to reclaim their old colony. (See the war of 1812 to understand how reasonable that fear was.) With out a large (or any real) standing army, the need was to be able to draw up militias from the people in the time of national defense. Also this was a time when the average soldiers weapon was not too different from a hunters weapon. This is no longer true. While the average difference in a breach loading weapon where minimal except smooth bore vs. rifled, there is a massive difference today. A bolt action Remington Model 798 hunting rifle while very effective is a world apart from a Barret M99-1 which is a .50 military sniper rifle. They are no longer analogous. Even the ammunition is different. Where a hunter may use soft lead, or hollow points, a military use may include flechette, full metal jacketed, depleted uranium, Teflon coated, tracer, explosive, or sabot rounds, and if the military use in question decides to to adhere to conventions there are even more exotic and dangerous options.
But that's not the biggest part of the missing conversation. That comes from the 80's... though to be fair-ish it goes further back. In the 80's the US pretty much made it illegal to have severe mental health issues. Let me explain. The mental health system at the time was barbarous, and really was doing a lot of harm. There were not a lot of long term healthy outcomes as much as facilities for long term observation and long term hospitalization. There was a very real need to reform the system. What ended up happening is many "insane asylums" where shut down, and the ability to admit someone that needed help but was not an imminent threat to themselves or others was all but abolished. The mental health system was gutted. So those with severe mental health problems often end up on the streets, self medicating, or end up participating in the revolving doors of jails and prisons being held for minimum amounts of time before being released again. While this is not always what happens, it is common enough to be worrisome.
We treat mental health issues with stigmas. Somebody suffering with one of the many forms of depression is "weak" or "broken" and should be ostracized. We don't think of mental health the same as physical health. We really should. They are interdependent enough to be the same. We need to take a long, brutal, honest look in the collective mirror. There are no simple solutions to our problems as a society. Worse, the longer we wait the more complicated and difficult the solutions become. We need to take stock of ourselves and admit where we have failed, where we are failing now, and the difficult choices we have ahead.
When people need help, we as a community need to be proactive in helping them get it, and sometimes at the extreme of forcing them into places of help. While you cannot truly help those who don't want to be helped, you can get them to places where they have a chance of taking ownership of their lives again. We must understand the stigmas we reinforce every day and take personal responsibility for our actions, or more often inaction. How many lives could have been saved, how many futures could have been better if we were willing to do the hard, expensive stuff that takes years to make a difference?
History is important. Knowing ours, knowing the history of those we talk about, and talk with is important. Knowing the history of the systems we use, or take for granted everyday is important. Understanding the interconnectedness of those systems is even more important. I am a very stupid person, really I am. Anyone who has read this blog knows that. But even I can see how much we hide from the painful truths of ourselves because (insert any cliche excuse here.)
I lost my point somewhere... but then again I always do.
/end rant
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
On being not as sick as I could have been...
So its been awhile... again. I know, I know. I always say that. What can I say, I'm lazy, and busy. But mostly lazy. So it goes.
So random venting, ranting, and praise time.
I am just getting over being sick.
Really sick.
So sick the medication made me sicker to the point of scaring all those around me pretty much completely and thoroughly shitless. Long and short of it. I had one of those really annoying persistent coughs that just refused to die, and occasionally got worse. 6 weeks of fighting it and I was done, ready for help. So I go and get seen at the medical office. They check me out and give me some antibiotics and an inhaler to get my bronchial swelling down. On day 9 of 10 of the antibiotics I have a reaction, basically full body reaction.
I am fine, and will be 100% recovered shortly. In a weird way I am thankful for the experience. I am not a "high user" of healthcare. I work in the field these days and it was good to get a patients point of view. Everyone I dealt with was nice, knowledgeable, and result oriented. So I get to come out on top. Many are not as fortunate.
This was a rare condition, as I am told 2 in 500,000 or so. There isn't alot of first hand experience with it outside of very specialized departments. Which is why I am so grateful to the people I dealt with before getting their. They hit the evidence based research when in doubt. They made sure I was doing what had been shown to work, not just what they thought might. Doing that early was the key to minimizing the damage, and speeding up my recovery.
What scares me is that so many people are becoming anti-science. Wanting things done that "feel" right. If that had been the case for me, I would be in intensive care right now, and would not be close to being on a recovery path.
I am not saying science is perfect, it can have a dark side. I dont want to eat corn that has been engineered to be frost resistant and immune to DDT. In this country I dont get much of a choice in that if I eat processed foods. But so it goes. At least with science though, we know what we know, and we know what we dont know.
The reaction I had is so random and could have been to anything, we dont know exactly why it happens to some, and not to others. Yet. But at least there is enough research into outcomes to know what works and what doesnt.
Ok thats long enough of a rant.
Later
So random venting, ranting, and praise time.
I am just getting over being sick.
Really sick.
So sick the medication made me sicker to the point of scaring all those around me pretty much completely and thoroughly shitless. Long and short of it. I had one of those really annoying persistent coughs that just refused to die, and occasionally got worse. 6 weeks of fighting it and I was done, ready for help. So I go and get seen at the medical office. They check me out and give me some antibiotics and an inhaler to get my bronchial swelling down. On day 9 of 10 of the antibiotics I have a reaction, basically full body reaction.
I am fine, and will be 100% recovered shortly. In a weird way I am thankful for the experience. I am not a "high user" of healthcare. I work in the field these days and it was good to get a patients point of view. Everyone I dealt with was nice, knowledgeable, and result oriented. So I get to come out on top. Many are not as fortunate.
This was a rare condition, as I am told 2 in 500,000 or so. There isn't alot of first hand experience with it outside of very specialized departments. Which is why I am so grateful to the people I dealt with before getting their. They hit the evidence based research when in doubt. They made sure I was doing what had been shown to work, not just what they thought might. Doing that early was the key to minimizing the damage, and speeding up my recovery.
What scares me is that so many people are becoming anti-science. Wanting things done that "feel" right. If that had been the case for me, I would be in intensive care right now, and would not be close to being on a recovery path.
I am not saying science is perfect, it can have a dark side. I dont want to eat corn that has been engineered to be frost resistant and immune to DDT. In this country I dont get much of a choice in that if I eat processed foods. But so it goes. At least with science though, we know what we know, and we know what we dont know.
The reaction I had is so random and could have been to anything, we dont know exactly why it happens to some, and not to others. Yet. But at least there is enough research into outcomes to know what works and what doesnt.
Ok thats long enough of a rant.
Later
Monday, July 16, 2012
Venture Brothers is about failure? Fantastic!
So change of pace.. sorta. Ok not really my precious little internet gnomes. Having just re-watched the first 4 seasons of the Venture Brothers show, and listened to DVD commentary, and the missing commentary, I find my love of the show deepening. For those who haven't seen it yet... wtf? Really? Go watch you some. I know that they put it on odd hours, dont re-air them often, and its not on Netflix, or Hulu but still. You have internet, find a way. (insert comment about you being lazy bastards here)
Bringing it back to my love of the show. In the "lost commentary" for the Season 1 episode "Home Insecurity," Jackson Public and Doc Hammer talk about how the show is really about failure. How we all fail. It's ok to fail, and move forward. They also talk about how its really the 'failure of the space age, and the death of the jet age promises.' Hearing that seamed obvious to anyone who's seen the show. But it still stuck with me awhile.
Later I find myself watching Niel deGrasse Tyson talking about funding space exploration, and building a culture of high aspirations. Click. The two are entwined. The promise of the space age failed to come to life because we stopped reaching out to space. Yes, in many ways we have changed our daily lives in ways impossible to predict at the time. I for one wouldn't trade the vast digital revolution for jet packs and flying cars. That's just me though.
But back to the how ok at failing works. I have met, and worked with many people who are "perfect." You know, never make a mistake. Or it wasn't theirs in the first place, it was because of A,B, and C. I used to be one of those total ass hats. In alot of ways I still am. I did learn however, that being able to let yourself fail, and acknowledging the failure is a great way to grow. It frees me up to try other ways of doing things, lets me learn from what works and what doesn't. Mostly though, it lets me learn what the root mistake was so I can learn from it. We all could use more honest failures, because if we are honest we all want to be flying that jet pack in space... cowboys and cowgirls.
Bringing it back to my love of the show. In the "lost commentary" for the Season 1 episode "Home Insecurity," Jackson Public and Doc Hammer talk about how the show is really about failure. How we all fail. It's ok to fail, and move forward. They also talk about how its really the 'failure of the space age, and the death of the jet age promises.' Hearing that seamed obvious to anyone who's seen the show. But it still stuck with me awhile.
Later I find myself watching Niel deGrasse Tyson talking about funding space exploration, and building a culture of high aspirations. Click. The two are entwined. The promise of the space age failed to come to life because we stopped reaching out to space. Yes, in many ways we have changed our daily lives in ways impossible to predict at the time. I for one wouldn't trade the vast digital revolution for jet packs and flying cars. That's just me though.
But back to the how ok at failing works. I have met, and worked with many people who are "perfect." You know, never make a mistake. Or it wasn't theirs in the first place, it was because of A,B, and C. I used to be one of those total ass hats. In alot of ways I still am. I did learn however, that being able to let yourself fail, and acknowledging the failure is a great way to grow. It frees me up to try other ways of doing things, lets me learn from what works and what doesn't. Mostly though, it lets me learn what the root mistake was so I can learn from it. We all could use more honest failures, because if we are honest we all want to be flying that jet pack in space... cowboys and cowgirls.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Musical Musings
I am sitting here with a cold beer, again. Having just got out of the car, last song on the radio still swimming in my head. Which of course has me thinking now. I can't stop wondering what makes a song have that lasting impact on me. The more I stop and think about it, the more confused I get. Each song hits me in a unique way, for an individual reason. There is no general rule of thumb that I am seeing.
For example, the song that got me thinking about this topic. It was the last song I head, "No Light No Light" by Florence and the Machine. Not my usual cup of tea, but as the song played and the lyrics sunk in, I had flash backs. Memories of the ugliest break up of mine. Words from the song echoing words she had said to me at the time. Still shaking a bit to be painfully honest with you internet gnomes.
Just as easily as my lack of light hits me there are other songs I think of. Johnny Cash's cover of Hurt for one. A song that haunts, taking a song about being trapped in drug addiction, and making it a song about growing old and alone. Cracker's Low, because it transports me to a time and place that my old coworkers can still remember too. The song got stuck in my head for a few months, and so those months on the line at the restaurant always pop in for a short 3 minute visit when that plays.
I wish I knew the formula. It could save me from having my life shaped by inescapable bad songs, such as "All around the world" by ATC. Also then I could write one, and get filthy, dirty, shamefully rich off of it. Ok, I'd get someone else rich because I wouldn't know what to do with it.
I lost my thread of thought here somewhere, and I am out of beer.... so that's all for now.
For example, the song that got me thinking about this topic. It was the last song I head, "No Light No Light" by Florence and the Machine. Not my usual cup of tea, but as the song played and the lyrics sunk in, I had flash backs. Memories of the ugliest break up of mine. Words from the song echoing words she had said to me at the time. Still shaking a bit to be painfully honest with you internet gnomes.
Just as easily as my lack of light hits me there are other songs I think of. Johnny Cash's cover of Hurt for one. A song that haunts, taking a song about being trapped in drug addiction, and making it a song about growing old and alone. Cracker's Low, because it transports me to a time and place that my old coworkers can still remember too. The song got stuck in my head for a few months, and so those months on the line at the restaurant always pop in for a short 3 minute visit when that plays.
I wish I knew the formula. It could save me from having my life shaped by inescapable bad songs, such as "All around the world" by ATC. Also then I could write one, and get filthy, dirty, shamefully rich off of it. Ok, I'd get someone else rich because I wouldn't know what to do with it.
I lost my thread of thought here somewhere, and I am out of beer.... so that's all for now.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Stupid Beer gut and shin splints..
So it's happened again. I'm out of shape. Only this time I am abit older, and nocturnal. So yeah, that kinda blows the goat with tremendous vigor. Let me explain. As a youth I wasn't exactly a jock, but I was very active. I played sports, took weight training in High School, and pretty much had the metabolism of a methed out humming bird. I was never ripped, or muscular per-say. I was however able to run a mile without panting. The few times in college I felt a little out of shape, I'd start hitting the gym and playing the occasional pickup game of tennis. Soon enough I was back to feeling ok.
This is were both my age and night owlness are hurting me right now. My metabolism has slowed, and is harder to restart. Not only that it wont dial back up to 11 anymore. So no free calorie burning, which means actual physical work... with physics. Getting home from work 12:30-1:00am is not helping with that bit. So few gyms are actually 24 hours around me.. despite the names. The ones are outside my budget. And yes I know I don't need a gym to work out but it's a motivation thing. Once I'm in the building I make the most of it, and push through the tired, and the pain to get that 1 more set, or one more lap. Hard to do at home.
Another side effect of the lateness is the food. I don't cook for myself as much as I used to, and I really should. The amount of sodium and sugar in prepared foods, and fast foods is off the scales these days. So those foods will trigger all sorts of hoarding mechanisms in my body, as well as make me more tired afterwards... which lessons the likelihood of me actually exercising. Worse than that is the more junk food I eat the lazier I become, making it less likely I will cook for myself. A vicious cycle.
The main reason I don't cook at 1am when I get home? No food stuffs to cook with. Grocery shopping is something to be done during normal business hours. When my body falls into the sleep cycle it has I wake just in time to get ready for work, any errands have to wait for days off. But I'm so tired that my days off are spent lounging, recuperating.
This is all overcomeable. And I am starting to again. It's just easy to remember this coming naturally and not step by step. Well that's enough ranting time to put on some 80's rock, drink some eggs and beat the Russian.
/end rant
This is were both my age and night owlness are hurting me right now. My metabolism has slowed, and is harder to restart. Not only that it wont dial back up to 11 anymore. So no free calorie burning, which means actual physical work... with physics. Getting home from work 12:30-1:00am is not helping with that bit. So few gyms are actually 24 hours around me.. despite the names. The ones are outside my budget. And yes I know I don't need a gym to work out but it's a motivation thing. Once I'm in the building I make the most of it, and push through the tired, and the pain to get that 1 more set, or one more lap. Hard to do at home.
Another side effect of the lateness is the food. I don't cook for myself as much as I used to, and I really should. The amount of sodium and sugar in prepared foods, and fast foods is off the scales these days. So those foods will trigger all sorts of hoarding mechanisms in my body, as well as make me more tired afterwards... which lessons the likelihood of me actually exercising. Worse than that is the more junk food I eat the lazier I become, making it less likely I will cook for myself. A vicious cycle.
The main reason I don't cook at 1am when I get home? No food stuffs to cook with. Grocery shopping is something to be done during normal business hours. When my body falls into the sleep cycle it has I wake just in time to get ready for work, any errands have to wait for days off. But I'm so tired that my days off are spent lounging, recuperating.
This is all overcomeable. And I am starting to again. It's just easy to remember this coming naturally and not step by step. Well that's enough ranting time to put on some 80's rock, drink some eggs and beat the Russian.
/end rant
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Mmmm love me some hardcore F1 racing...
Thank the gods F1 is back. I don't care which gods you thank, any will do. I just needs my speed back. This year has already started crazy and I can't wait to see where it ends. F1 mixes a good deal of my interests into one shiny loud place. Politics, engineering, cleverness, talent, speed, adjustment, and the clarity of a winner. Walking that fine line between creatively overcoming an obstacle and out right cheating. Just damned fun to watch. Oh, and there are races in the rain, night races, and crazy things that you just don't see anywhere else.
/end drool fest
/end drool fest
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Rapid thoughts on ownership...
So as I sit here writing a new post for the first time in several months, it is raining. I have a lit cigarette and a cold beer. I am staring at the night sky, seeing the fat drops of spring rain pass the street light across from my concrete porch. My evening work schedule has finally turned me nocturnal, and the fighting of various call center germs and what have you have kept me spending more time recovering than doing non-work or non-work things than I want to. But you know whose fault that is? Mine. Not yours, not the system, not the sea (who happens to be a cruel mistress.)
I can totally take ownership for my own actions and their results. I am lazy, I prefer the learning to the doing, and I never like staying any one job, school, relationship too long. As a result I don't have the resume, the contacts, the leads, and the other advantages I would have if my work ethic applied to grades, networking, or anything work related after I clock out of the office. This is the bed I have made for myself, and while it is not where I would 100% choose myself to be I can see why I am here and accept it. (On cigarette #2 for those of you counting at home.)
Why do I bring all of this up now? Well basically I work a customer service job, but the place I work is pretty lax and for the most part the calls are easy as can be. The problem comes from those calls that aren't. People will be people. Which means they want easy fixes that require no work for them. More importantly they want solutions that do not require paying for past mistakes. Which is wonderful, except that physics is a bitch and there are no free lunches children.
The most painful of these encounters are the ones where there is something that is far outside my expertise in fixing. This can be something such as computer drivers not installed correctly so our service wont work, or that using a work computer that has us blocked and wanting me to push a button to work around that. Or it could be something as complicated as home network settings combined with home theater setups using surround sound systems and multimedia streaming boxes. Fixing this blind, over the phone, with equipment we don't make, service, or even have trouble shooting guides for. I am sorry, but I don't know what is inside that nameless box you got when it fell of a truck is.
People have always wanted easy outs. And no one likes paying a specialist money to fix something. Sad but true. I know that's how I am. Yet I am willing to admit when I need someone better, and if I ask an expert and he tells me I need a specialist and points me in the right direction that's ok too. Better that than him taking a stab at it and making it even worse.
This goes on to other aspects of life. Several people I know (and out of decency and forgetfulness will not name) have ruined solid relationships by looking for the quick fix now and not the ownership of the fuck up. Careers have been lost, cars that could have been saved become scrapped, roofs collapsed in, bridges fall, yadda yadda yadda.
Ok maybe I've ranted long enough, in summary just man up, own it, learn from it, move forward, and dont ask for majikal fixes. Be big enough to know that you totally fucked it up royally and you will have to rebuild. And please, dont blame me for your mistakes. I have enough of my own to keep me busy.
I can totally take ownership for my own actions and their results. I am lazy, I prefer the learning to the doing, and I never like staying any one job, school, relationship too long. As a result I don't have the resume, the contacts, the leads, and the other advantages I would have if my work ethic applied to grades, networking, or anything work related after I clock out of the office. This is the bed I have made for myself, and while it is not where I would 100% choose myself to be I can see why I am here and accept it. (On cigarette #2 for those of you counting at home.)
Why do I bring all of this up now? Well basically I work a customer service job, but the place I work is pretty lax and for the most part the calls are easy as can be. The problem comes from those calls that aren't. People will be people. Which means they want easy fixes that require no work for them. More importantly they want solutions that do not require paying for past mistakes. Which is wonderful, except that physics is a bitch and there are no free lunches children.
The most painful of these encounters are the ones where there is something that is far outside my expertise in fixing. This can be something such as computer drivers not installed correctly so our service wont work, or that using a work computer that has us blocked and wanting me to push a button to work around that. Or it could be something as complicated as home network settings combined with home theater setups using surround sound systems and multimedia streaming boxes. Fixing this blind, over the phone, with equipment we don't make, service, or even have trouble shooting guides for. I am sorry, but I don't know what is inside that nameless box you got when it fell of a truck is.
People have always wanted easy outs. And no one likes paying a specialist money to fix something. Sad but true. I know that's how I am. Yet I am willing to admit when I need someone better, and if I ask an expert and he tells me I need a specialist and points me in the right direction that's ok too. Better that than him taking a stab at it and making it even worse.
This goes on to other aspects of life. Several people I know (and out of decency and forgetfulness will not name) have ruined solid relationships by looking for the quick fix now and not the ownership of the fuck up. Careers have been lost, cars that could have been saved become scrapped, roofs collapsed in, bridges fall, yadda yadda yadda.
Ok maybe I've ranted long enough, in summary just man up, own it, learn from it, move forward, and dont ask for majikal fixes. Be big enough to know that you totally fucked it up royally and you will have to rebuild. And please, dont blame me for your mistakes. I have enough of my own to keep me busy.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
About Sleepless Nights
Lately I been having trouble sleeping. This is not a new problem for me. I have been fighting this for a long time now. Since high school I have had bouts of 2 or 3 days without sleep. This is a fight that I can win. But it takes time, and in the meantime my life kinda goes to shit. Humans are built for rest and repair. We are designed to have daily rituals. Goto bed at a certain time, wake up for work the same time. Things break down when this cycle stops.
In high school this lead to crankiness, depression, short term memory loss, and obsessive behaviors. The longer I would go without a full sleep cycle the worse it would get. Headaches would turn into migraines. Crankiness would turn into cruelty. Sanity would become sprained.
This reached its climax sophomore year of college. I would often have 2,3 or even 4 days stints with less than 4 hours of sleep for the day. My roommate still tells the story of my debate with my refrigerator. I don't remember this. And no, mind altering drugs were not involved. Just so little connection left to reality.
I have mentioned before I am a tinkerer, and when you can't sleep that is very dangerous. I would start many small projects, finish none of them, and clean up the mess from none. Every new project would give me a 2nd wind, and keep me going for another couple of hours. So of course that meant even lower chances of sleep that night. Once the sun came up, then I wouldn't be able to sleep.
This blog was started due to that sleeplessness. There are things that work, and I do them. I don't have long bouts, and I don't have many bouts anymore. The only hurting me these days is the late shift I work. But I am getting back into a routine, and I really only wrote this to write. Thanks for stopping by.
In high school this lead to crankiness, depression, short term memory loss, and obsessive behaviors. The longer I would go without a full sleep cycle the worse it would get. Headaches would turn into migraines. Crankiness would turn into cruelty. Sanity would become sprained.
This reached its climax sophomore year of college. I would often have 2,3 or even 4 days stints with less than 4 hours of sleep for the day. My roommate still tells the story of my debate with my refrigerator. I don't remember this. And no, mind altering drugs were not involved. Just so little connection left to reality.
I have mentioned before I am a tinkerer, and when you can't sleep that is very dangerous. I would start many small projects, finish none of them, and clean up the mess from none. Every new project would give me a 2nd wind, and keep me going for another couple of hours. So of course that meant even lower chances of sleep that night. Once the sun came up, then I wouldn't be able to sleep.
This blog was started due to that sleeplessness. There are things that work, and I do them. I don't have long bouts, and I don't have many bouts anymore. The only hurting me these days is the late shift I work. But I am getting back into a routine, and I really only wrote this to write. Thanks for stopping by.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Coffee Fueled Feelings on Having Options
There is a YouTube video making the rounds on Facebook again. If you haven't seen it before it's right here. It's ok I will wait:
Mr. Zach Wahls makes a very moving point. Legalizing discrimination is not something we should tolerate. But mostly he makes me think about how I see life these days. Life is complicated. Our societies only make it more so. As members of a group living together we always have a struggle for balance between personal freedoms and societal coherence. I always believed that personal freedoms are important, but that it was more important to protect ourselves from each other when in doubt. A derogatory term for this view is the 'nanny state.' Wear your seat belt and so on. There are obvious downsides, and dangers to moving to that side of the balance. An authoritarian regime is one extreme of this.
The flip side is unbridled personal liberties. You want it, you can do it. Assuming that you can pay for it and keep it from everyone else. Lawless survival of the fittest. There is something almost romantic about having a solid 6 shooter, a rifle, and a horse and carving out a piece of the world for your very own in the wild west. But quickly the few will completely own the many. The stronger man becomes the better man, and gains all the spoils because of it. Anarchy breaking down into brutality.
Binary views fail. All of one, and none of the other is not an answer. How do you describe the staggering beauty of a sunset in black and white? Don't we loose all of the beauty of those amazing colors playing on the clouds, on the sea as the stars slowly become visible in the sky? More basic. How can you describe the color blue in terms of black and white? It is a too narrow view to fit life into.
We need options. Life is so diverse, with each interaction unique in it's own way. Mitigating circumstances that make it different from the others. Being in a fixed state of mind guarantees there will be situations don't fit. Options. We need them available to us. Having options does not negate the need for responsibilities. Every moral agent is responsible for their choices, but that is another rant. We are responsible for our own choice and actions. We are not responsible for telling people what they cannot do in their own homes.
The classic phrase for this balance is 'my freedom to swing my fists stops right at your nose.' We have to able to accept our personal views, and even our personal needs may not be shared by those around us. We have to learn how to be ok with actually living by the golden rule. If we are as a society trying to improve ourselves, then we must learn from the march of progress that is our history. If we really want to, we can find balance that will make us stronger, not weaker. A balance that makes us fuller, richer human beings, not shallow fearful homo-sapiens.
/end rant
Friday, December 2, 2011
Orgins on My Sense of Humor
So the other night I got to thinking about my childhood. Mostly I starting wondering why my sense of humor turned out the way it did. The simple answer came to me pretty quickly. It's all because of the 8" black and white tv. Let me explain. When I was about 7 or 8 years old I went climbing in the attic. Hey, it was a rainy fall day after school. I was bored, and the attic had one of those pull down ladders. How is a kid supposed to resist? So amongst all of the old silverware, photo albums, wedding presents of no use, sat a tan and black tv. Sitting proudly and with a small amount of dust in the corner. At this point of my life the house only had one tv. It was in the living room. I felt like I had found an ancient treasure. Looking back now, it was a half broken little tv. It was missing one of the dials, and the antenna was broken off. None the less I snuck that tv into my bedroom, and hid it in my closet.
It took a little work. I used a wheel from a Lego kit for the dial, and a clothes hanger to get some reception. From then on, I was doomed. I should explain. OPB, the Oregon branch of PBS would play 3 shows back to back late on Friday night. Benny Hill, Monty Python, and then Black Adder. Other nights had Monty Python, and other BBC classics such as, Are You Being Served or Faulty Towers. At that young of an age I was missing most of the meaning to what I was watching, but the slapstick, sarcasm, and dead pan delivery started to imprint themselves. This wasn't jokes you could tell or explain to other kids. In middle school it was finally ok to talk about Monty Python. But Black Adder? Who was that?
For years I watched these shows, slowly absorbing the context. Learning the British sense of dark humor. Becoming one with that 'how do we get to die today' sense of joy in the face of the macabre. At this point I was reading more and more. I picked up a very worn copy of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy from the bookshelf. So obviously that was right up my alley at this point. So I read them all. Learning the Douglas Adams use of absurd similes. The world of the insane as viewed through the eyes of the dull. Then I found a simple CD. A older recording. It was "The Year That Was" by Tom Lerher. A simple set of songs, played on the piano. Sung by a math professor. A witty math professor.
These things just kept adding to each other. Everything funny I still see through that prism. And looking back there are some great memories. In my bed on a rainy October night, watching John Cleese do a silly walk. Feeling like I am watching something hidden, something special, something from far away. That static filled tiny black and white screen was able to take me some where more special than the 40" hdtv in my place now.
I think it is interesting where our senses of humor come from. A lot from our parents, and a lot from our friends. Most from those little things we find for ourselves without anyone showing us the way.
It took a little work. I used a wheel from a Lego kit for the dial, and a clothes hanger to get some reception. From then on, I was doomed. I should explain. OPB, the Oregon branch of PBS would play 3 shows back to back late on Friday night. Benny Hill, Monty Python, and then Black Adder. Other nights had Monty Python, and other BBC classics such as, Are You Being Served or Faulty Towers. At that young of an age I was missing most of the meaning to what I was watching, but the slapstick, sarcasm, and dead pan delivery started to imprint themselves. This wasn't jokes you could tell or explain to other kids. In middle school it was finally ok to talk about Monty Python. But Black Adder? Who was that?
For years I watched these shows, slowly absorbing the context. Learning the British sense of dark humor. Becoming one with that 'how do we get to die today' sense of joy in the face of the macabre. At this point I was reading more and more. I picked up a very worn copy of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy from the bookshelf. So obviously that was right up my alley at this point. So I read them all. Learning the Douglas Adams use of absurd similes. The world of the insane as viewed through the eyes of the dull. Then I found a simple CD. A older recording. It was "The Year That Was" by Tom Lerher. A simple set of songs, played on the piano. Sung by a math professor. A witty math professor.
These things just kept adding to each other. Everything funny I still see through that prism. And looking back there are some great memories. In my bed on a rainy October night, watching John Cleese do a silly walk. Feeling like I am watching something hidden, something special, something from far away. That static filled tiny black and white screen was able to take me some where more special than the 40" hdtv in my place now.
I think it is interesting where our senses of humor come from. A lot from our parents, and a lot from our friends. Most from those little things we find for ourselves without anyone showing us the way.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Scattered thoughts on the NBA...
So over the weekend the NBA finally worked out it's CBA. So there will be basketball on Christmas day. When I read the news the first thought that popped into my head was, "oh... okay. So what do the match-ups look like in the NFL this weekend." Growing up I used to watch the NBA. As a kid I would watch the Blazers of the 90's. I enjoyed the fast paced action, the pure athleticism, and you had stars like MJ, Drexler, Barkley, Bird. Of course having NBA Jam in every arcade didnt hurt. But like my food and drink tastes changed as I aged, so did my sports tastes.
Now I grew up in a NFL house. The 49ers of the 80's and 90's were on TV every Sunday. MLB was also on the TV and radio growing up, but as a child it was far too slow for me. So I never got into it. I played tennis in school, and still follow it to this day, would sometimes catch a Hockey game at the local arena. Never got into motor racing until I started watching F-1 in the last few years.
As I got older basketball, even college basketball stopped being fun to watch. Too many games to watch, too few teams with real chances. Too many stars selling shoes and video games, and not enough interesting play. College basketball with the one and one makes sure that the only thing to follow is a school or coach. And with the coaching changes each year even that is hard to follow.
With the NBA gone during the lock out, I will be honest that I didnt even miss it. Same as I felt during the NHL mess awhile back. Had the whole season been lost, and had the TV contracts been canceled, I wouldn't have really noticed that much. There are other sports, other stories, other distractions to fill my time.
On the bright side though, the new salary cap and pay scale rules for the NBA may help it become more interesting. We may finally get a small measure of parity in the NBA. Which would be great. However, that still is not going to get me watching season long. But hey, lets see what happens.
/end rant
Now I grew up in a NFL house. The 49ers of the 80's and 90's were on TV every Sunday. MLB was also on the TV and radio growing up, but as a child it was far too slow for me. So I never got into it. I played tennis in school, and still follow it to this day, would sometimes catch a Hockey game at the local arena. Never got into motor racing until I started watching F-1 in the last few years.
As I got older basketball, even college basketball stopped being fun to watch. Too many games to watch, too few teams with real chances. Too many stars selling shoes and video games, and not enough interesting play. College basketball with the one and one makes sure that the only thing to follow is a school or coach. And with the coaching changes each year even that is hard to follow.
With the NBA gone during the lock out, I will be honest that I didnt even miss it. Same as I felt during the NHL mess awhile back. Had the whole season been lost, and had the TV contracts been canceled, I wouldn't have really noticed that much. There are other sports, other stories, other distractions to fill my time.
On the bright side though, the new salary cap and pay scale rules for the NBA may help it become more interesting. We may finally get a small measure of parity in the NBA. Which would be great. However, that still is not going to get me watching season long. But hey, lets see what happens.
/end rant
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