I like new things. There I said it. I love new science, new technologies, new media, new games, new friends, new enemies, new favorite sandwich. Yet I hate change... go figure.
Mostly though I like the idea of us as a species learning new things. The fact that some of us as humans are able to peer deeper into the mysteries of the physical universe and find proof of the Higgs Boson, or dark matter, or able to give sight back to the blind, take the idea of memory away from the realm of then metaphysic to the realm of them empiricist. We as a species are damned impressive. Humanity defintly has its moments of glory.
I am an odd duck. Ok you knew that but still let me explain. I am pessimistic about our immediate future most of the time. I feel the systems we have built for ourselves have become our cages more often than not. We have the inability to take the long view, and that might be an evolutionary issue. But here's the odd part, I am optimistic for our long term as a species.
Granted, to steal a classic phrase, we stand on the shoulders of giants. The collective knowledge, cultural heritage, and technology are the products of a very special few amongst the very many average rest of us. Einstein, Newton, Voltaire, Plato, Sun Tzu, Lao Tse, and a handful of others are the diamonds in the rough of humanity. We the masses benefit from their genius, while being unable to truly join them in their understanding. Newton was so far beyond, he had to create a new level of mathematics just to described the new science he laid out in physics. I will never approach that level of discovery.
But we don't stop, the best of us keep going, pressing out to the borders of our collective knowledge, our collective cultures, our technologies. The next wave builds upon the collected work of all the previous generations. Well ok, the works that survived. But still, that's alot. This is our light in the darkness, to blatantly steal from Carl Sagan. Our reason, our adaptation to new ideas, and our drive to understand. Our light only gets brighter. Just as the days get longer, as we pass the solstice of darkest nights, so to does our collected us shine stronger and brighter.
I am a pretty bad pessimist. I have hope in us all. I blame the Quakers.... but that's another rant for another day.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Context, its kinda important... historically speaking ....
So with a degree in Polisci, and that pesky minor in Philosophy, I get roped into more conversations about random things than I should. Though to be fair, I would probably get into those anyways. The problem though is that often it can be like pounding your head against a electrified brick wall. Its shockingly painful. Yeah not a great pun but its early and I'm confuzled.
Whats most painful is what my old anthropology professor called the "Flintstone Fallacy." We have a tendency to project the way of life we live into past cultures and histories. After all, to blatantly rip off many funnier comedians than I, how does Fred Flintstone celebrate the mass commemorating Jesus Christs birth 1,000 years give or take before he was born? We assume because its been around us our whole life... or most of it anyways, that it must always have been.
This projection creates illusions. When we dont know the details we fill in the gaps with our experiences, which often would have been so alien to those we are projecting ourselves on. I have no idea what it would have been like to live day in and day out as a recently conquered addition to the Roman Empire. I have no personal context to be one of the first wandering tribes to sow seeds and grow barley, or rice, to ferment into the first beers. There has been no part of my life that would let me empathize with a son of "untouchable" in any true class structured society.
Being an American having discussions about international politics and foreign policy is quickly becoming closer to conversations at the end of the British Empire. I cant explain where I think we as the American Empire should go without either assuming the other people in the discussion know the basic histories for 1,000+ years, or taking the time to cliff notes my basic history knowledge.
How can I expect people to understand the guilt that seems to drive modern Germany's desire to hold the EU together with all of its resources, while at the same time pointing to the lack of historical memory that is creating many of the same frameworks around those other EU members that led to the guilt in the first place? Or why chlorinated pools are still frowned upon in most of Europe with out understanding the horrors of the first World War. Understanding the problems of trying to occupy Afghanistan require 2,000 years of history, and an understanding of the many Abraham theologies. How can I have a discussion about what the Bill of Rights means when we quite literally have different meanings for some of the words used due to the evolution of our language and culture.
Looking up I can see this is a longer rant... but I am going to keep going... sorry the unknown internet gnomes.
What has me frustrated this time, is the 2nd amendment talk. I live in a part of the country that has had some terrible shootings in my life time. I also live in a part of the country that was first re-settled (there were already people living here) by trappers and hunters, and later loggers and fishermen. There is a strong history of firearms in this state. As a matter of fact the state constitutions copy and pasted definitions of firearms is so murky that it would take case to the state supreme court to clarify it, and that's not a case that anyone would be part of. (Quick side note, due to the way the definitions are written, it is a plausible interpretation that anything that can fully automatically shoot projectiles can count as a machine gun with out first counting as a fire arm. Now in daily life this is merely one of those quirky things no one has do deal with. But it could lead to difficult legislation enforcement down the road.) However, there is no historical understanding. Very few people I have met can truly put themselves into the shoes of a recently freed colony, that won its freedom from an Empire that did not use its full resources, out of needing them to deal with the French, and has made no secret it may try to reclaim the newly freed colony later. This is an era before national conflict as we see it today. Pre-industrial war, before Napoleon, and Clausewitz, before some of major technological and organizational advancements that shape every military to this day.
Let me be very blunt. There was a different understanding of what the 2nd amendment was supposed to be than what it is assumed to be today. To be fair that's true of most of the amendments. There was a reasonable fear that British would attempt to reclaim their old colony. (See the war of 1812 to understand how reasonable that fear was.) With out a large (or any real) standing army, the need was to be able to draw up militias from the people in the time of national defense. Also this was a time when the average soldiers weapon was not too different from a hunters weapon. This is no longer true. While the average difference in a breach loading weapon where minimal except smooth bore vs. rifled, there is a massive difference today. A bolt action Remington Model 798 hunting rifle while very effective is a world apart from a Barret M99-1 which is a .50 military sniper rifle. They are no longer analogous. Even the ammunition is different. Where a hunter may use soft lead, or hollow points, a military use may include flechette, full metal jacketed, depleted uranium, Teflon coated, tracer, explosive, or sabot rounds, and if the military use in question decides to to adhere to conventions there are even more exotic and dangerous options.
But that's not the biggest part of the missing conversation. That comes from the 80's... though to be fair-ish it goes further back. In the 80's the US pretty much made it illegal to have severe mental health issues. Let me explain. The mental health system at the time was barbarous, and really was doing a lot of harm. There were not a lot of long term healthy outcomes as much as facilities for long term observation and long term hospitalization. There was a very real need to reform the system. What ended up happening is many "insane asylums" where shut down, and the ability to admit someone that needed help but was not an imminent threat to themselves or others was all but abolished. The mental health system was gutted. So those with severe mental health problems often end up on the streets, self medicating, or end up participating in the revolving doors of jails and prisons being held for minimum amounts of time before being released again. While this is not always what happens, it is common enough to be worrisome.
We treat mental health issues with stigmas. Somebody suffering with one of the many forms of depression is "weak" or "broken" and should be ostracized. We don't think of mental health the same as physical health. We really should. They are interdependent enough to be the same. We need to take a long, brutal, honest look in the collective mirror. There are no simple solutions to our problems as a society. Worse, the longer we wait the more complicated and difficult the solutions become. We need to take stock of ourselves and admit where we have failed, where we are failing now, and the difficult choices we have ahead.
When people need help, we as a community need to be proactive in helping them get it, and sometimes at the extreme of forcing them into places of help. While you cannot truly help those who don't want to be helped, you can get them to places where they have a chance of taking ownership of their lives again. We must understand the stigmas we reinforce every day and take personal responsibility for our actions, or more often inaction. How many lives could have been saved, how many futures could have been better if we were willing to do the hard, expensive stuff that takes years to make a difference?
History is important. Knowing ours, knowing the history of those we talk about, and talk with is important. Knowing the history of the systems we use, or take for granted everyday is important. Understanding the interconnectedness of those systems is even more important. I am a very stupid person, really I am. Anyone who has read this blog knows that. But even I can see how much we hide from the painful truths of ourselves because (insert any cliche excuse here.)
I lost my point somewhere... but then again I always do.
/end rant
Whats most painful is what my old anthropology professor called the "Flintstone Fallacy." We have a tendency to project the way of life we live into past cultures and histories. After all, to blatantly rip off many funnier comedians than I, how does Fred Flintstone celebrate the mass commemorating Jesus Christs birth 1,000 years give or take before he was born? We assume because its been around us our whole life... or most of it anyways, that it must always have been.
This projection creates illusions. When we dont know the details we fill in the gaps with our experiences, which often would have been so alien to those we are projecting ourselves on. I have no idea what it would have been like to live day in and day out as a recently conquered addition to the Roman Empire. I have no personal context to be one of the first wandering tribes to sow seeds and grow barley, or rice, to ferment into the first beers. There has been no part of my life that would let me empathize with a son of "untouchable" in any true class structured society.
Being an American having discussions about international politics and foreign policy is quickly becoming closer to conversations at the end of the British Empire. I cant explain where I think we as the American Empire should go without either assuming the other people in the discussion know the basic histories for 1,000+ years, or taking the time to cliff notes my basic history knowledge.
How can I expect people to understand the guilt that seems to drive modern Germany's desire to hold the EU together with all of its resources, while at the same time pointing to the lack of historical memory that is creating many of the same frameworks around those other EU members that led to the guilt in the first place? Or why chlorinated pools are still frowned upon in most of Europe with out understanding the horrors of the first World War. Understanding the problems of trying to occupy Afghanistan require 2,000 years of history, and an understanding of the many Abraham theologies. How can I have a discussion about what the Bill of Rights means when we quite literally have different meanings for some of the words used due to the evolution of our language and culture.
Looking up I can see this is a longer rant... but I am going to keep going... sorry the unknown internet gnomes.
What has me frustrated this time, is the 2nd amendment talk. I live in a part of the country that has had some terrible shootings in my life time. I also live in a part of the country that was first re-settled (there were already people living here) by trappers and hunters, and later loggers and fishermen. There is a strong history of firearms in this state. As a matter of fact the state constitutions copy and pasted definitions of firearms is so murky that it would take case to the state supreme court to clarify it, and that's not a case that anyone would be part of. (Quick side note, due to the way the definitions are written, it is a plausible interpretation that anything that can fully automatically shoot projectiles can count as a machine gun with out first counting as a fire arm. Now in daily life this is merely one of those quirky things no one has do deal with. But it could lead to difficult legislation enforcement down the road.) However, there is no historical understanding. Very few people I have met can truly put themselves into the shoes of a recently freed colony, that won its freedom from an Empire that did not use its full resources, out of needing them to deal with the French, and has made no secret it may try to reclaim the newly freed colony later. This is an era before national conflict as we see it today. Pre-industrial war, before Napoleon, and Clausewitz, before some of major technological and organizational advancements that shape every military to this day.
Let me be very blunt. There was a different understanding of what the 2nd amendment was supposed to be than what it is assumed to be today. To be fair that's true of most of the amendments. There was a reasonable fear that British would attempt to reclaim their old colony. (See the war of 1812 to understand how reasonable that fear was.) With out a large (or any real) standing army, the need was to be able to draw up militias from the people in the time of national defense. Also this was a time when the average soldiers weapon was not too different from a hunters weapon. This is no longer true. While the average difference in a breach loading weapon where minimal except smooth bore vs. rifled, there is a massive difference today. A bolt action Remington Model 798 hunting rifle while very effective is a world apart from a Barret M99-1 which is a .50 military sniper rifle. They are no longer analogous. Even the ammunition is different. Where a hunter may use soft lead, or hollow points, a military use may include flechette, full metal jacketed, depleted uranium, Teflon coated, tracer, explosive, or sabot rounds, and if the military use in question decides to to adhere to conventions there are even more exotic and dangerous options.
But that's not the biggest part of the missing conversation. That comes from the 80's... though to be fair-ish it goes further back. In the 80's the US pretty much made it illegal to have severe mental health issues. Let me explain. The mental health system at the time was barbarous, and really was doing a lot of harm. There were not a lot of long term healthy outcomes as much as facilities for long term observation and long term hospitalization. There was a very real need to reform the system. What ended up happening is many "insane asylums" where shut down, and the ability to admit someone that needed help but was not an imminent threat to themselves or others was all but abolished. The mental health system was gutted. So those with severe mental health problems often end up on the streets, self medicating, or end up participating in the revolving doors of jails and prisons being held for minimum amounts of time before being released again. While this is not always what happens, it is common enough to be worrisome.
We treat mental health issues with stigmas. Somebody suffering with one of the many forms of depression is "weak" or "broken" and should be ostracized. We don't think of mental health the same as physical health. We really should. They are interdependent enough to be the same. We need to take a long, brutal, honest look in the collective mirror. There are no simple solutions to our problems as a society. Worse, the longer we wait the more complicated and difficult the solutions become. We need to take stock of ourselves and admit where we have failed, where we are failing now, and the difficult choices we have ahead.
When people need help, we as a community need to be proactive in helping them get it, and sometimes at the extreme of forcing them into places of help. While you cannot truly help those who don't want to be helped, you can get them to places where they have a chance of taking ownership of their lives again. We must understand the stigmas we reinforce every day and take personal responsibility for our actions, or more often inaction. How many lives could have been saved, how many futures could have been better if we were willing to do the hard, expensive stuff that takes years to make a difference?
History is important. Knowing ours, knowing the history of those we talk about, and talk with is important. Knowing the history of the systems we use, or take for granted everyday is important. Understanding the interconnectedness of those systems is even more important. I am a very stupid person, really I am. Anyone who has read this blog knows that. But even I can see how much we hide from the painful truths of ourselves because (insert any cliche excuse here.)
I lost my point somewhere... but then again I always do.
/end rant
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
On being not as sick as I could have been...
So its been awhile... again. I know, I know. I always say that. What can I say, I'm lazy, and busy. But mostly lazy. So it goes.
So random venting, ranting, and praise time.
I am just getting over being sick.
Really sick.
So sick the medication made me sicker to the point of scaring all those around me pretty much completely and thoroughly shitless. Long and short of it. I had one of those really annoying persistent coughs that just refused to die, and occasionally got worse. 6 weeks of fighting it and I was done, ready for help. So I go and get seen at the medical office. They check me out and give me some antibiotics and an inhaler to get my bronchial swelling down. On day 9 of 10 of the antibiotics I have a reaction, basically full body reaction.
I am fine, and will be 100% recovered shortly. In a weird way I am thankful for the experience. I am not a "high user" of healthcare. I work in the field these days and it was good to get a patients point of view. Everyone I dealt with was nice, knowledgeable, and result oriented. So I get to come out on top. Many are not as fortunate.
This was a rare condition, as I am told 2 in 500,000 or so. There isn't alot of first hand experience with it outside of very specialized departments. Which is why I am so grateful to the people I dealt with before getting their. They hit the evidence based research when in doubt. They made sure I was doing what had been shown to work, not just what they thought might. Doing that early was the key to minimizing the damage, and speeding up my recovery.
What scares me is that so many people are becoming anti-science. Wanting things done that "feel" right. If that had been the case for me, I would be in intensive care right now, and would not be close to being on a recovery path.
I am not saying science is perfect, it can have a dark side. I dont want to eat corn that has been engineered to be frost resistant and immune to DDT. In this country I dont get much of a choice in that if I eat processed foods. But so it goes. At least with science though, we know what we know, and we know what we dont know.
The reaction I had is so random and could have been to anything, we dont know exactly why it happens to some, and not to others. Yet. But at least there is enough research into outcomes to know what works and what doesnt.
Ok thats long enough of a rant.
Later
So random venting, ranting, and praise time.
I am just getting over being sick.
Really sick.
So sick the medication made me sicker to the point of scaring all those around me pretty much completely and thoroughly shitless. Long and short of it. I had one of those really annoying persistent coughs that just refused to die, and occasionally got worse. 6 weeks of fighting it and I was done, ready for help. So I go and get seen at the medical office. They check me out and give me some antibiotics and an inhaler to get my bronchial swelling down. On day 9 of 10 of the antibiotics I have a reaction, basically full body reaction.
I am fine, and will be 100% recovered shortly. In a weird way I am thankful for the experience. I am not a "high user" of healthcare. I work in the field these days and it was good to get a patients point of view. Everyone I dealt with was nice, knowledgeable, and result oriented. So I get to come out on top. Many are not as fortunate.
This was a rare condition, as I am told 2 in 500,000 or so. There isn't alot of first hand experience with it outside of very specialized departments. Which is why I am so grateful to the people I dealt with before getting their. They hit the evidence based research when in doubt. They made sure I was doing what had been shown to work, not just what they thought might. Doing that early was the key to minimizing the damage, and speeding up my recovery.
What scares me is that so many people are becoming anti-science. Wanting things done that "feel" right. If that had been the case for me, I would be in intensive care right now, and would not be close to being on a recovery path.
I am not saying science is perfect, it can have a dark side. I dont want to eat corn that has been engineered to be frost resistant and immune to DDT. In this country I dont get much of a choice in that if I eat processed foods. But so it goes. At least with science though, we know what we know, and we know what we dont know.
The reaction I had is so random and could have been to anything, we dont know exactly why it happens to some, and not to others. Yet. But at least there is enough research into outcomes to know what works and what doesnt.
Ok thats long enough of a rant.
Later
Monday, July 16, 2012
Venture Brothers is about failure? Fantastic!
So change of pace.. sorta. Ok not really my precious little internet gnomes. Having just re-watched the first 4 seasons of the Venture Brothers show, and listened to DVD commentary, and the missing commentary, I find my love of the show deepening. For those who haven't seen it yet... wtf? Really? Go watch you some. I know that they put it on odd hours, dont re-air them often, and its not on Netflix, or Hulu but still. You have internet, find a way. (insert comment about you being lazy bastards here)
Bringing it back to my love of the show. In the "lost commentary" for the Season 1 episode "Home Insecurity," Jackson Public and Doc Hammer talk about how the show is really about failure. How we all fail. It's ok to fail, and move forward. They also talk about how its really the 'failure of the space age, and the death of the jet age promises.' Hearing that seamed obvious to anyone who's seen the show. But it still stuck with me awhile.
Later I find myself watching Niel deGrasse Tyson talking about funding space exploration, and building a culture of high aspirations. Click. The two are entwined. The promise of the space age failed to come to life because we stopped reaching out to space. Yes, in many ways we have changed our daily lives in ways impossible to predict at the time. I for one wouldn't trade the vast digital revolution for jet packs and flying cars. That's just me though.
But back to the how ok at failing works. I have met, and worked with many people who are "perfect." You know, never make a mistake. Or it wasn't theirs in the first place, it was because of A,B, and C. I used to be one of those total ass hats. In alot of ways I still am. I did learn however, that being able to let yourself fail, and acknowledging the failure is a great way to grow. It frees me up to try other ways of doing things, lets me learn from what works and what doesn't. Mostly though, it lets me learn what the root mistake was so I can learn from it. We all could use more honest failures, because if we are honest we all want to be flying that jet pack in space... cowboys and cowgirls.
Bringing it back to my love of the show. In the "lost commentary" for the Season 1 episode "Home Insecurity," Jackson Public and Doc Hammer talk about how the show is really about failure. How we all fail. It's ok to fail, and move forward. They also talk about how its really the 'failure of the space age, and the death of the jet age promises.' Hearing that seamed obvious to anyone who's seen the show. But it still stuck with me awhile.
Later I find myself watching Niel deGrasse Tyson talking about funding space exploration, and building a culture of high aspirations. Click. The two are entwined. The promise of the space age failed to come to life because we stopped reaching out to space. Yes, in many ways we have changed our daily lives in ways impossible to predict at the time. I for one wouldn't trade the vast digital revolution for jet packs and flying cars. That's just me though.
But back to the how ok at failing works. I have met, and worked with many people who are "perfect." You know, never make a mistake. Or it wasn't theirs in the first place, it was because of A,B, and C. I used to be one of those total ass hats. In alot of ways I still am. I did learn however, that being able to let yourself fail, and acknowledging the failure is a great way to grow. It frees me up to try other ways of doing things, lets me learn from what works and what doesn't. Mostly though, it lets me learn what the root mistake was so I can learn from it. We all could use more honest failures, because if we are honest we all want to be flying that jet pack in space... cowboys and cowgirls.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Musical Musings
I am sitting here with a cold beer, again. Having just got out of the car, last song on the radio still swimming in my head. Which of course has me thinking now. I can't stop wondering what makes a song have that lasting impact on me. The more I stop and think about it, the more confused I get. Each song hits me in a unique way, for an individual reason. There is no general rule of thumb that I am seeing.
For example, the song that got me thinking about this topic. It was the last song I head, "No Light No Light" by Florence and the Machine. Not my usual cup of tea, but as the song played and the lyrics sunk in, I had flash backs. Memories of the ugliest break up of mine. Words from the song echoing words she had said to me at the time. Still shaking a bit to be painfully honest with you internet gnomes.
Just as easily as my lack of light hits me there are other songs I think of. Johnny Cash's cover of Hurt for one. A song that haunts, taking a song about being trapped in drug addiction, and making it a song about growing old and alone. Cracker's Low, because it transports me to a time and place that my old coworkers can still remember too. The song got stuck in my head for a few months, and so those months on the line at the restaurant always pop in for a short 3 minute visit when that plays.
I wish I knew the formula. It could save me from having my life shaped by inescapable bad songs, such as "All around the world" by ATC. Also then I could write one, and get filthy, dirty, shamefully rich off of it. Ok, I'd get someone else rich because I wouldn't know what to do with it.
I lost my thread of thought here somewhere, and I am out of beer.... so that's all for now.
For example, the song that got me thinking about this topic. It was the last song I head, "No Light No Light" by Florence and the Machine. Not my usual cup of tea, but as the song played and the lyrics sunk in, I had flash backs. Memories of the ugliest break up of mine. Words from the song echoing words she had said to me at the time. Still shaking a bit to be painfully honest with you internet gnomes.
Just as easily as my lack of light hits me there are other songs I think of. Johnny Cash's cover of Hurt for one. A song that haunts, taking a song about being trapped in drug addiction, and making it a song about growing old and alone. Cracker's Low, because it transports me to a time and place that my old coworkers can still remember too. The song got stuck in my head for a few months, and so those months on the line at the restaurant always pop in for a short 3 minute visit when that plays.
I wish I knew the formula. It could save me from having my life shaped by inescapable bad songs, such as "All around the world" by ATC. Also then I could write one, and get filthy, dirty, shamefully rich off of it. Ok, I'd get someone else rich because I wouldn't know what to do with it.
I lost my thread of thought here somewhere, and I am out of beer.... so that's all for now.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Stupid Beer gut and shin splints..
So it's happened again. I'm out of shape. Only this time I am abit older, and nocturnal. So yeah, that kinda blows the goat with tremendous vigor. Let me explain. As a youth I wasn't exactly a jock, but I was very active. I played sports, took weight training in High School, and pretty much had the metabolism of a methed out humming bird. I was never ripped, or muscular per-say. I was however able to run a mile without panting. The few times in college I felt a little out of shape, I'd start hitting the gym and playing the occasional pickup game of tennis. Soon enough I was back to feeling ok.
This is were both my age and night owlness are hurting me right now. My metabolism has slowed, and is harder to restart. Not only that it wont dial back up to 11 anymore. So no free calorie burning, which means actual physical work... with physics. Getting home from work 12:30-1:00am is not helping with that bit. So few gyms are actually 24 hours around me.. despite the names. The ones are outside my budget. And yes I know I don't need a gym to work out but it's a motivation thing. Once I'm in the building I make the most of it, and push through the tired, and the pain to get that 1 more set, or one more lap. Hard to do at home.
Another side effect of the lateness is the food. I don't cook for myself as much as I used to, and I really should. The amount of sodium and sugar in prepared foods, and fast foods is off the scales these days. So those foods will trigger all sorts of hoarding mechanisms in my body, as well as make me more tired afterwards... which lessons the likelihood of me actually exercising. Worse than that is the more junk food I eat the lazier I become, making it less likely I will cook for myself. A vicious cycle.
The main reason I don't cook at 1am when I get home? No food stuffs to cook with. Grocery shopping is something to be done during normal business hours. When my body falls into the sleep cycle it has I wake just in time to get ready for work, any errands have to wait for days off. But I'm so tired that my days off are spent lounging, recuperating.
This is all overcomeable. And I am starting to again. It's just easy to remember this coming naturally and not step by step. Well that's enough ranting time to put on some 80's rock, drink some eggs and beat the Russian.
/end rant
This is were both my age and night owlness are hurting me right now. My metabolism has slowed, and is harder to restart. Not only that it wont dial back up to 11 anymore. So no free calorie burning, which means actual physical work... with physics. Getting home from work 12:30-1:00am is not helping with that bit. So few gyms are actually 24 hours around me.. despite the names. The ones are outside my budget. And yes I know I don't need a gym to work out but it's a motivation thing. Once I'm in the building I make the most of it, and push through the tired, and the pain to get that 1 more set, or one more lap. Hard to do at home.
Another side effect of the lateness is the food. I don't cook for myself as much as I used to, and I really should. The amount of sodium and sugar in prepared foods, and fast foods is off the scales these days. So those foods will trigger all sorts of hoarding mechanisms in my body, as well as make me more tired afterwards... which lessons the likelihood of me actually exercising. Worse than that is the more junk food I eat the lazier I become, making it less likely I will cook for myself. A vicious cycle.
The main reason I don't cook at 1am when I get home? No food stuffs to cook with. Grocery shopping is something to be done during normal business hours. When my body falls into the sleep cycle it has I wake just in time to get ready for work, any errands have to wait for days off. But I'm so tired that my days off are spent lounging, recuperating.
This is all overcomeable. And I am starting to again. It's just easy to remember this coming naturally and not step by step. Well that's enough ranting time to put on some 80's rock, drink some eggs and beat the Russian.
/end rant
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Mmmm love me some hardcore F1 racing...
Thank the gods F1 is back. I don't care which gods you thank, any will do. I just needs my speed back. This year has already started crazy and I can't wait to see where it ends. F1 mixes a good deal of my interests into one shiny loud place. Politics, engineering, cleverness, talent, speed, adjustment, and the clarity of a winner. Walking that fine line between creatively overcoming an obstacle and out right cheating. Just damned fun to watch. Oh, and there are races in the rain, night races, and crazy things that you just don't see anywhere else.
/end drool fest
/end drool fest
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Rapid thoughts on ownership...
So as I sit here writing a new post for the first time in several months, it is raining. I have a lit cigarette and a cold beer. I am staring at the night sky, seeing the fat drops of spring rain pass the street light across from my concrete porch. My evening work schedule has finally turned me nocturnal, and the fighting of various call center germs and what have you have kept me spending more time recovering than doing non-work or non-work things than I want to. But you know whose fault that is? Mine. Not yours, not the system, not the sea (who happens to be a cruel mistress.)
I can totally take ownership for my own actions and their results. I am lazy, I prefer the learning to the doing, and I never like staying any one job, school, relationship too long. As a result I don't have the resume, the contacts, the leads, and the other advantages I would have if my work ethic applied to grades, networking, or anything work related after I clock out of the office. This is the bed I have made for myself, and while it is not where I would 100% choose myself to be I can see why I am here and accept it. (On cigarette #2 for those of you counting at home.)
Why do I bring all of this up now? Well basically I work a customer service job, but the place I work is pretty lax and for the most part the calls are easy as can be. The problem comes from those calls that aren't. People will be people. Which means they want easy fixes that require no work for them. More importantly they want solutions that do not require paying for past mistakes. Which is wonderful, except that physics is a bitch and there are no free lunches children.
The most painful of these encounters are the ones where there is something that is far outside my expertise in fixing. This can be something such as computer drivers not installed correctly so our service wont work, or that using a work computer that has us blocked and wanting me to push a button to work around that. Or it could be something as complicated as home network settings combined with home theater setups using surround sound systems and multimedia streaming boxes. Fixing this blind, over the phone, with equipment we don't make, service, or even have trouble shooting guides for. I am sorry, but I don't know what is inside that nameless box you got when it fell of a truck is.
People have always wanted easy outs. And no one likes paying a specialist money to fix something. Sad but true. I know that's how I am. Yet I am willing to admit when I need someone better, and if I ask an expert and he tells me I need a specialist and points me in the right direction that's ok too. Better that than him taking a stab at it and making it even worse.
This goes on to other aspects of life. Several people I know (and out of decency and forgetfulness will not name) have ruined solid relationships by looking for the quick fix now and not the ownership of the fuck up. Careers have been lost, cars that could have been saved become scrapped, roofs collapsed in, bridges fall, yadda yadda yadda.
Ok maybe I've ranted long enough, in summary just man up, own it, learn from it, move forward, and dont ask for majikal fixes. Be big enough to know that you totally fucked it up royally and you will have to rebuild. And please, dont blame me for your mistakes. I have enough of my own to keep me busy.
I can totally take ownership for my own actions and their results. I am lazy, I prefer the learning to the doing, and I never like staying any one job, school, relationship too long. As a result I don't have the resume, the contacts, the leads, and the other advantages I would have if my work ethic applied to grades, networking, or anything work related after I clock out of the office. This is the bed I have made for myself, and while it is not where I would 100% choose myself to be I can see why I am here and accept it. (On cigarette #2 for those of you counting at home.)
Why do I bring all of this up now? Well basically I work a customer service job, but the place I work is pretty lax and for the most part the calls are easy as can be. The problem comes from those calls that aren't. People will be people. Which means they want easy fixes that require no work for them. More importantly they want solutions that do not require paying for past mistakes. Which is wonderful, except that physics is a bitch and there are no free lunches children.
The most painful of these encounters are the ones where there is something that is far outside my expertise in fixing. This can be something such as computer drivers not installed correctly so our service wont work, or that using a work computer that has us blocked and wanting me to push a button to work around that. Or it could be something as complicated as home network settings combined with home theater setups using surround sound systems and multimedia streaming boxes. Fixing this blind, over the phone, with equipment we don't make, service, or even have trouble shooting guides for. I am sorry, but I don't know what is inside that nameless box you got when it fell of a truck is.
People have always wanted easy outs. And no one likes paying a specialist money to fix something. Sad but true. I know that's how I am. Yet I am willing to admit when I need someone better, and if I ask an expert and he tells me I need a specialist and points me in the right direction that's ok too. Better that than him taking a stab at it and making it even worse.
This goes on to other aspects of life. Several people I know (and out of decency and forgetfulness will not name) have ruined solid relationships by looking for the quick fix now and not the ownership of the fuck up. Careers have been lost, cars that could have been saved become scrapped, roofs collapsed in, bridges fall, yadda yadda yadda.
Ok maybe I've ranted long enough, in summary just man up, own it, learn from it, move forward, and dont ask for majikal fixes. Be big enough to know that you totally fucked it up royally and you will have to rebuild. And please, dont blame me for your mistakes. I have enough of my own to keep me busy.
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